What If Getting Help Made You a Better Parent?

today we are talking getting help with childcare and helping you have that space and not feel guilt about it.

Welcome to Wellness in Every Season. We talk all things wellness regarding the environment that you spend a lot of your time in, your physical health, your intellectual health, your financial health, your spiritual health, professional health, your social health, who you have relationships with, your emotional health.

This is a really big umbrella, so expect all kinds of topics within all of these amazing dimensions of your wellness. Let's dive in

And today I have with me Tiffany Green, and you can't see on screen, but she has- Mm-hmm

a little baby with her. So this is... She is living what she is preaching on here. And- Mm. ... we feel you. We are right here with you. I have four little kids. One's home sick. So I just wanna start out with that. we are right there in the trenches with you, and I feel like that is the way to best connect with people.

I don't know how many of you are listening who have had doctors who have not experienced what you're experiencing, and they don't get it, or other professionals or just people in life. It makes it so much more real and practical when they are right there with you and get you. So let me give you a little bit of a rundown of Tiffany.

She is somebody I reached out to. So she has not reached out to me. I have vetted her by researching her and figuring her out for us. And she is the owner of NuNu Nanny, and she is based out of DC, the Northern Virginia area, so really close to home for me. And it is a nanny placement agency, and it's committed to finding your family's perfect childcare fit.

She has an in-depth step-by-step process that's led by experienced consultants who can assist with the important task of hiring a family nanny or babysitter. Whether full-time or part-time, seasonal, you can expect quality care and experience with vetted sitters and nannies.

She's here on screen, fully- ... welcome her and have her start talking, let me tell you how needed this is. Like I said, I have four little kids. If this is your first time listening, you get to hear that a couple times. We had an experience, I think it was a year ago, where we found somebody on our neighborhood Facebook page, hired her.

She does not even live in our neighborhood, so why isn't our neighborhood page locked down, first of all? Second of all, she came the first time, and the next time she no-showed, and this was something that my husband and I were really excited for. We paid for the class. thankfully, it ended up being a really good bonding experience with my oldest and I.

He went in place of my husband. We had a lot of fun. But my husband and I were looking forward to this. We have little kids. We have neglected our date nights, that part of our relationship. And I know I'm not the only one who's experienced this, And I did this for several years with my oldest.

We didn't go on dates. I didn't trust anybody. So know that this is needed and not everybody has family members nearby. I don't. And not everybody has family members they trust. And Not everybody wants to use family members, so I love this idea that it's somebody who's vetted, especially because family members may not know CPR or other ways to properly take care of emergencies.

Mm-hmm.

I see you shaking your head yes. Mm-hmm. If you wanna fill in any of my blanks there, and also welcome for being on, Tiffany.

Well, yeah. Thank you so much for having me, Autumn. I'm super excited to be here. I say yes to everything that you were just talking about. I relate to it. I have tons of clients who have expressed those same needs and concerns with me.

so I certainly think, I, just to touch on where you left off about the professionalism and safety and experience of, nannies. so when we're looking for individuals to support our clients, our parents, they are always going to have to be referral-based. references are super important. we wanna know that you're not gonna be ending up as a client in a situation like you just mentioned, where there's a no-show or someone who's not quite sure about the safety measures and precautions, for child, for children.

And as as a parent, and your listeners, every child at every stage is different. So, there are specific needs from a newborn through infant through toddler, and they have to be on point with those and also in, in tandem really understand, one, the child, and two, the family's dynamic and what their specific requests are.

so it's a very dynamic place to be in. I think people once upon a time, and maybe even today too, would consider, being a nanny not a real job, quote-unquote real, real job. and it very much so is. they play such an important role in the family unit. and a lot of times people can't function without their nannies, because they become such an important part of their lives.

And even in, like you just mentioned, the babysitting sort of aspect, which is the date nights and things of that nature, to have a reliable person that comes, every weekend or, twice a month to support the family, someone that you can hand your children over to and not worry that, anything will go wrong.

someone that essentially along the way becomes a part of your family as well. it's all very important and, and they, our agency, my agency, New New Nanny, is really focused on the specific needs of, of clients and really truly understanding what they're looking for.

I love that. And before I get into the questions that I actually prepared Mm-hmm

tell me what Nou Nou Nanny stands for again, because I feel like so many people think like I do, where if you can relate it to something, it's easy to remember.

Right. Right. Yeah, so it's, Nou Nou Nanny is actually, French for nanny. So the word nou nou is direct translation in French to nanny. So it, technically it's called Nanny Nanny, if you wanna break it down that way.

I'm a Francophile. I have always, loved all things French, French art, culture, fashion, et cetera, et cetera. I studied, French art when I was in school, in college, so, I love the place and I thought it was a really catchy, cute name, but I know that it sometimes does confuse people. They're "Now Now?"

Or, "How do you pronounce it?" whatever you wanna call us, just call us, We, we're excited, excited to have people come through the doors and even ask the question, "How do you pronounce that?" So

Perfect, and I started out, I made sure I could pronounce her name, Yeah

figure out how to pronounce her business, and it was "How do you... Help me out here." Okay, so here's the actual questions I prepared. Mm.

Why do so many parents feel like they should be able to handle everything themselves? Mm-hmm. And what does caring that much actually do to a family?

Yeah, so I think because we're specifically gonna discuss the area that we're living in, in the Washington, DC area, it's a very powerful city.

It's a power city. People come here to do work and get ahead and succeed. so that, I think, is the, the root of it. they feel as though, they have to be high-functioning on all levels. and more power to them. I, myself, am the same way. Born and raised in the Washington, DC area, in Alexandria, Virginia.

I went to great schools. I had great neighbors, great family members. Everybody was exceeding in education and, and everything else that they put their hands to, because that was the norm. You would kind of feel a little funny if you fell aba- fell back in comparison to your peers. So I think that's the number one thing.

rightfully so, people want to do well for themselves. so they feel like they must do well in the parenting sphere and the marriage sphere, and all the rest of the phe- spheres with your, with your friends and your own peers. but it, it's not necessary for someone to, to be all things to all people at all times, and I even tell myself that, as someone who's a business owner and a mom.

and I think for, for me, what I always, remember when I'm speaking to my clients is that they come from a place where they worked hard to get to where they are, and also to maintain, and I want to present them with options for individuals who understand that lifestyle, and also take their work as nannies import- in that same vein.

They are thinking that this is very important work. It's not something that should be taken light, lightly. so I think that is the biggest thing. Working in Washington, DC, living here, it's very competitive, and people feel the pressure externally to do everything when they really don't have to.

I love that

Yeah.

Go

ahead. So,

if you could, I'm sure you can cut some of this stuff out, but the second part of your question, remind me what it was.

Yeah. What does caring that much actually do to a family?

Yeah, yeah. So when, when I've worked with families, and I even, I can take this into consideration from many different lenses, one as a nanny, from my earlier years, babysitting nanny, all the way through to being a parent and hiring a n- h- hiring a nanny myself, I see that the stress and pressure can build up depending on what place they are in their lives, where they are in their parenting journey.

even where they are in their, actual careers. all of those things can affect the person's need for support, and they may or may not realize that. So I always encourage parents to really have me, talk to me about their pain points, and where they could see relief and where that would be useful to them.

I think sometimes they just say, "I need help," but they haven't really thought through what that help could look like and the points at which someone can come in and, and relieve those pain points. So again, that goes back to truly understanding individual families versus applying a one-size-fits-all solution.

so I think that's, that's definitely what's happening, and that's what I see being a problem. There's waiting and waiting and trying to do everything yourself, and then it coming to a head, and then not really having an idea about how to proceed and problem solve in a way that is effective. So maybe scrambling to the first person you find on Facebook Marketplace or Facebook, group- Page.

Yeah ... groups and pages, for moms, or scrambling to go to, what is it? Sittercity or care.com or something like that. There's, that, those are great platforms for some families, and I'm not saying that you won't find success there, but, a lot of the conversations and organization around the thought process as to who'd be a good fit for your family gets skipped, when you're not working with an agency to kind of suss all of those things out.

So that's what I have had happen in my experience.

It's almost like dating, and-

Oh, yes ...

how great would it be to have a platform like this where you can kind of refer the person versus not? It's the same idea. Yes.

Yes, yes. I always tell my clients that our job, the hard part is not to find professional experienced nannies, it's to find a click, your match.

That's the difficult part. so even still, in, in full transparency, we could do all of the work to, be transparent and get all of our notes together and have all these deeper discussions with both families and with nannies, and still things may not work out in a long-term format for permanent placements, because humans are humans, right?

but I think even through all of that, the c- candidates and the clients have great, comfort in knowing that someone is going to advocate for them, and then also give them best practices, help them stay organized, and be a sounding board. and help them understand what the platform for being a nanny employer is.

many folks don't really know the ins and outs, and they miss a lot of it. So, all of those things are important, but again, going back to that dating comment, right? for some reason, people say, "I chose my husband," or, "I chose my wife," and, "I chose my nanny, because she just understands me, and I was able to connect with this person, on a level that was much more than, oh, she has experience watching, six-month-old babies."

We might just continue talking about question one for a while. 'Cause what came to me, and it makes me think about our favorite babysitter- Mm-hmm ... where she has helped me to become a better mom because she's, she gives me that space-

Mm-hmm. Yeah,

yeah ... to take care of myself, to- Mm-hmm ... have some breathing room.

Yeah. And she is another voice. Sometimes I'll talk to her, I'm "Is this too much?" And she's "No, that is..." Or, "Mm." Yeah,

yeah. "

Maybe a little." But she's also the other voice, so a third voice between me and my husband of, "Hey, see how you can work on this," whichever child. Mm-hmm. Or, Yeah ... you're somebody else t- helping to teach ride a bike or whatever.

she helps me to see things that I totally miss, especially during the summer. I have her over a lot more during the summer so that I can continue working on my business, continue coaching, taking care of myself, all the things. And for instance, my youngest suddenly grew, and we had a realization that all of the children need to move up a bike.

Yeah. To the next sibling's bike.

Yep.

We just were busy going through life, and we totally missed that. Mm-hmm. And it just is helpful to have another set of eyes and ears, another brain that's focusing on our children-

Mm-hmm ...

more than we are in a degree, because they're paid for that, where we're not- Mm-hmm

paid for that. It's just one more fire that we're trying to put out, take care of.

Right, right.

Where for them, it's they have left their life for a little bit to now this is their focus, our children. It's very different.

Right. Right. And I love that you mentioned that, she's sort of that third person, to support you and your husband, because I like to call it emotional maturity, to kind of know when to, as a, as a nanny, to know when to bring something to a parent's attention, when to make a suggestion, when not to.

those are... That skill, oh man, it's, it's gonna be good across the board, whatever job you have. But as a nanny, it is really invaluable. It's so important for you to be able to come into a room and sense, what your, what your duties are, and then also how to navigate the next steps. Because, like I mentioned before, the children's needs are always changing and evolving.

that's a great attribute to have, and I think those are the best relationships, ones that reflect the family's needs, but also at the same ti- at the same time to say, "I have a suggestion. In my experience in the past, this worked for me or this other family," and then knowing when it's a good time to insert that without feeling pushy or overriding another family's needs.

And what you were talking about before about having that click, it, it took a while to find her.

Mm-hmm.

And she now, she's gone away to college. So whenever she's back we're "Yes, we'll use you." Yes. Even if we have nothing planned, we will plan something. Mm-hmm. We're gonna use you. And it's not just because my husband and I need to get out, it's because our kids really miss her and wanna see her too.

It's so cute. That's sweet. They'll even write her little cards while she's in college. And she has had babysitting gigs there, 'cause she's in another state for college, and when she comes back she's "Oh my goodness, I missed you guys." Mm-hmm. "I love the way we connect, and I just know what you expect, and we just have our boundaries set up."

And it makes such a difference when you find that person that you connect with, and that you can... You don't have to slow down and, "Here, let me explain it to you in the way that you understand." When you have that connection you can just kinda keep going. You don't have to switch gears. It, it just makes such a difference.

let me move on to the next question. This one that totally connects. Okay, it's the mental load question.

Mm-hmm.

The mental load of parenting can be almost invisible. What are parents carrying that their partners, families, or even the parents themselves may not recognize? And then to further this question, and how does that relate to childcare or nannying?

Yeah, yeah. So I'd like to start off the answer to this question by saying that, and I know this is kind of now, cliche, we are not meant to do it alone. we, as parents, ideally should be working in that, quote-unquote, village, sense. So that means a lot of different things for different people, but even today in different cultures around the world, in Central Africa and the Philippines, there is a culture of support for not just mom, not just, baby, but parents.

So that family unit who's bringing a new child into the world, their community members, extended family, neighbors, friends all gather together and kind of support the family for the long term. That's another thing that we have a, I think, a little bit of a issue with in sort of our US mindset, where it's you're supporting mom and baby in the first, month or two, and then it just trickles away.

there is a mindset in these other cultures about, this continued support and everyone having sort of a role in that. so when you're talking about mental load, there's even studies that have been done to show that when parents ... in 2024 study, I believe it was, parents have had continual support over an extended period of time, their levels of stress have reduced obviously, but also what that means for them in other facets of their lives, right?

So as they're at work, and they are working with, people there, they're able to comprehend and understand and relax and process information better at work, in workspaces, in their own mar- in their own marriages as well. So it gives, like you mentioned before, with you and your husband, the space for you guys to reset, recalibrate.

so the mental load can be enormous, and I think that the first thing that we can do, and this has nothing to do with a nanny agency, is figure out ways to just support one another. And you'd be surprised the ways that you can make an impact, and it might seem a bit silly. I n- have a really good friend who came over for a couple of hours and made me some soup.

it was delicious soup, and it just seemed so, simple. "Oh, I just, handled this for you." But we had delicious soup for two days, and everyone enjoyed it so much. And it was just ... I mean, it's such a warming thought that someone would just come and just buy some groceries and make you some soup and just head out the door type of thing.

And if you think about the time that you have during the day, you may not be able to go over and make a meal for someone, but even, dropping off some coffee or, delivering something to someone's house, saying, "Hey, mom, "I found, speaking of bikes, my son just outgrew his old bike, and I love this brand.

Check it out," and send him a m- an Amazon link via text, right? Those little things all mean something, and we don't even realize it, but that's taking that little bit of mental load off piece by piece. so I definitely think we should start with our own, in our own homes and our, in our own communities.

And then as far as a nanny is concerned or a sitter is concerned, that is the extra layer, of support that, that people can have. I also wanna mention As far as mental load and the concern around the cost of childcare, this is a big thing, right now in, Western countries. And so people can say, "Well, I can't afford a nanny," or, "I can't afford someone to, t- to even, in some cases, send my, my child to, any extr- extracurricular activities outside of, their regular ed- education."

and I understand that as well. So when I'm, when I'm working with my clients, obviously they're of a different socioeconomic st- status. They can afford to spend however much for, private care. I always like people to think about how they can support others. So down the road is a high school from my school and, from my home, and, they need their hours every year as seniors to volunteer, right?

So there are different ways that people can take young individuals in and have them support as mother's hel- helpers. So not necessarily a professional nanny, but just a mother's helper. Someone to take the toddler in the backyard and throw the basketball into the hoop for, 30 minutes and bring him in for a snack.

Super simple stuff. so I'd like people to think about if you're not able to do this whole big fancy nanny situation, how you can utilize what's down the road from you. Your neighbors might have older teenage children who might wanna make however much, 10 bucks, 15 bucks an hour to, give you a moment in your room to take a shower or a bath, right?

and it doesn't have to be so elaborate, as far as childcare is concerned, but that goes back to that village mentality and how we all can pitch in and support one another. So that's how I think that mental load can be broken down, certainly.

Yeah. And

we are getting close around time, so I'm going to offer something and then, some advice as a mom, and then I'm gonna ask you a question that will be in the newsletter.

Mm-hmm. Because I had this huge epiphany that, so many of us are like me, and we're going and doing things while we're listening, and we don't have a chance to write down our thought or whatever. Mm-hmm. So come over to the newsletter. She- I'm gonna ask her some more questions that she's going to answer in the newsletter, and you'll get kind of a rundown of this as well along with her links there, too.

So if you have your podcast queued up for the next one and you're trying to hurry up and find her links, it's also in the newsletter. Don't worry. Mm-hmm. And sign up for the newsletter. It'll show up in your email, and it'll be there waiting for you. You don't have to worry about algorithms or any of that stuff.

So my advice really quick is when you hire a nanny or a babysitter, you can also have them, especially if they're putting, like, feeding the kids and putting them to bed, clean the kitchen, run the dishwasher afterwards. You could have them do some light housekeeping you would normally do. So it's not like you got the break from your children, you got to take care of yourself, but then you have to more than make up for it and burn out everything that you just di- did, right?

 that investment that you put into yourself, you just totally depleted that and then some. Because now you have to hurry up and rush through all of the tasks while also still trying to get to bed in time and do your evening routine on top of that. So have that in mind. And then my question that I'm going to ask you to answer in the newsletter, and there'll be a couple more after that, is, that you'll find out in the newsletter, is

Okay.

You help families bring another caregiver into very personal part of their lives. Mm-hmm. What does a truly healthy parent-childcare relationship look like, and what makes that relationship good for the child too?

So that will be answered in the newsletter, and then the question that she's going to answer right now is where to find her.

Yes, yes. So definitely look me up on Instagram. I'm always posting some cool things. in addition, blogs that you can learn more about just the world of childcare, nanny, and sitting.

so that's the first place, Instagram. The second place would just be directly on the website. they're all kind of linked up together, so they, they are married in the content, so to speak. and then also you can find me directly through just using the Contact Us button on the website. So if you wanna speak further, with me about your childcare needs or just even really learn more about the process, even if you don't go through an agency, I'm, I'm always...

My first thought is to support the family, so if I'm not able to, to give you a nanny, I can give you other avenues to figure out some support for yourself. So I'm not one to say, "I don't do that. Goodbye." I certainly want to help my community that I support in Washington, DC figure out the best option for them, even if it's not working through NouNou Nanny.

Perfect, and then can you spell it for those who- Sure ... aren't Googling the French spelling for NouNou?

Yes, so NouNou is N-O-U-N-O-U nanny.com. So, usually it'll pop you up, if you're typing it in your search engine for Google. All

right. Well, thank you so much, and I will pop that into your email in,

Give me an hour, and I'll pop it in.

Perfect. Thank you so much, Autumn. It's been so much fun chatting with you.

Thank you. I'll talk to you later.

All right. Bye

bye.

Thank you so much for joining our discussion. If you enjoyed this, please like, subscribe. Most of all, share the love with others. Please share this episode so that we can help other people really recalibrate every aspect of their lives so they can be the best version of themselves, and I will see you in the next episode.

I want to have my quick disclaimer here that this is not a one-size-fits-all. If you want one-on-one coaching, let's talk, and we will make sure what wellness means to you is really put into your life, put into practice. I am using my undergrad in applied health and my life coaching experience to bring this podcast to you