Getting Dressed Shouldn't Take This Much Energy

I don't know how many of you feel like you don't have enough clothes, don't have the right clothes, they don't fit where you are at in life, you hate everything that's in your closet and your dresser.

And honestly, we think of females with this, but males feel this too.

Welcome to Wellness in Every Season. We talk all things wellness regarding the environment that you spend a lot of your time in, your physical health, your intellectual health, your financial health, your spiritual health, professional health, your social health, who you have relationships with, your emotional health.

This is a really big umbrella, so expect all kinds of topics within all of these amazing dimensions of your wellness. Let's dive in

So I am very excited to have Kate Breen with me, and let me tell you a little bit about her and then we'll officially welcome her to the show. She is the founder of DC's top personal styling agency, Get Dressed Go. The name says it all.

While Kate loves clothes and has worked with them for most of her life, she realizes that most people just want the daily reality of getting dressed to be quick and painless so they can get on with the rest of their lives. Kate's business, which now includes three other emerging stylists trained by her, helps people get to the bottom of the friction of getting dressed and build a healthier, happier relationship with clothes and shopping.

Kate, I love this.

Thank you.

Growing up, I felt like I always would end up shopping right around my period. So when I'm already feeling gross about myself-

Yeah ...

I don't know why, it just happened during that time of the month. And I was always consistent with my period too, so I don't know what was going on.

Mm-hmm.

And the lighting was never good in the dressing rooms. I just always felt, ugh. And I'm tall.

Yeah.

So now clothes actually are made long enough, but back then I felt like they weren't, and I feel this in such a deep level, so I am grateful you're here. I know that I've had times in life where I just felt like my clothes did not match the season of life that I was in when-

Yeah

I went from working to being a stay-at-home mom. Tried wearing pajamas all the time, and that didn't work.

Everything- ... for like a

month.

Everything you're saying is super relatable and super common. I can't find clothes that fit. I'm doing emotional shopping. I feel like my clothes don't match my life.

All of these things are reasons that people come to me,

yeah. So it sounds like it's not just professionals that come to you.

No, it's really everybody, just a cross-section of the universe. Which is part of why I expanded my business, because I realized that even in DC, which is a notoriously unfashionable city, there's all kinds of people looking for help getting dressed.

Not that they want to be fashionistas necessarily, but they wanna remove the misery from the daily necessity of getting dressed. And I'm highly sympathetic to that. As a child, I was taught how to get dressed. I was not taught how to invest. Clothes were the language of my family.

Some families speak golf, some families speak travel. Mine spoke clothes. I think I sort of took for granted that was a skill that everyone had, and in fact, they don't, and it makes them miserable

That actually goes with the first question that I wanna ask you.

Okay.

How is working with a private personal stylist different than working with an in-store stylist or a service like Stitch Fix, or even nowadays a lot of people go to AI.

Yeah. So I think the issue with Stitch Fix and AI is very similar, that they can only get to know you so much and take you so far. So for example, the first client that came to me with an AI presentation was not wrong, but like with most AI exercises, you get about 70% of what you want, and then it starts going kind of bananas.

And it, was suggesting to him a reversible leather jacket, which, is not a thing that exists or could exist because it would weigh so much. So that's one thing. Stitch Fix, is... actually, one of my stylists used to work for Stitch Fix, and so I got all the behind-the-scenes info on how that works.

They have to push certain products at every client, regardless of what the client's style is or what the client has professed to like. And, even before I knew Hannah, I used to marvel at the number of people who had Stitch Fix in their closet, and the response was always the same. "Oh, I got this from Stitch Fix.

I kept it. I don't really like it." But it's sort of meant to be the dopamine hit of something new that you got that you didn't have to pick out. But quality-wise it leaves a lot to be desired. And also, there's only so much that each stylist can really give you in terms of your own, personal style.

Stylists in stores are very good, for certain things and particularly once you develop a relationship with them. But they don't typically go to your home to see what your, existing wardrobe is. So that they can complement your existing wardrobe with suggestions. And the main problem with store stylists is that they are working largely off of commission, so it's in their best interest to push particular brands on you and to make sure that they're making a big sale more than it is to curate, a solution that really works for you.

Private personal stylists, as a group are coming into your home to see what already exists. And, we each have our own processes. The services tend to be about the same.

But the difference with Get Dressed Go is that the emphasis is really on a holistic, zoomed out version- Of styling. So it is largely diagnostic to figure out how you got to this position of frustration with getting dressed.

what I appreciate about your show, Autumn, is that you recognize this holistic aspect in almost every episode. We're not just talking about clothes. We're talking about finances. We're talking about the way that you were raised, religious influences, regional influences, the mean thing that your uncle said at a picnic once about your thighs.

All these things add up to our relationship with clothes, and so we start by getting a deep understanding of that and then work up from there. So I recognize that most people are not going to work with a personal stylist, a private personal stylist, for the rest of their lives.

What I am trying to do is teach people how to have a better relationship with clothes and with shopping, so to correct and coach around their habits that have contributed to making them miserable, so that moving forward they can make better decisions for themselves.

So it sounds like you probably have two different groups, one that they work with you often-

Mm-hmm

and then some where you kind of teach them how to ride the bike. You kind of give them the training wheels- how to ride the bike, and then they go off on their own.

Yes, definitely.

That makes sense.

I love it when people are basically starting from scratch, and we're doing two seasons at a time twice in one year, and that lasts people for a couple of years. And then they'll come back for touch-ups. My more public-facing clients have sort of a different relationship with me, where we're doing, more sort of special event planning.

These are the things that I have coming up where I have to be on stage or where I have to have a photo shoot or whatever. Those arrangements are a little bit different, but never with what I do am I just buying something cute and sticking it on someone and saying, "That looks great. Let's go out there."

I'm always understanding where they're coming from, one, and two, making sure that there's an emotional connection to the clothes that helps them propel their messaging forward, their self-esteem forward. And I realize that sounds a little woo-woo, but I think that- People feel bad in their clothes because they think that they're not being received the way that they wanna be received.

Or when they look in the mirror, it doesn't look like what they want it to look like. But I think that what is really happening is that clothes are touching us all day long. They touch us more than our pets, our children, our spouses. And the clothes are communicating to us a lot about our own value at our own perception of ourselves.

And that's what's so important, and that's what I try to, access in every client.

It makes me think about...

My oldest is in middle school, so I've been thinking a lot about middle school and what it was like for me.

In middle school we didn't wear belly shirts.

In high school the fashion changed, but I remember even in elementary school, because I'm taller, I'm just under 5'9"

Mm-hmm

having to yank those shirts down all day long, and just having that constantly in my mind, especially with the dress code, that my belly couldn't be showing.

Mm-hmm.

That impacted. I had to be thinking about that all the time.

Mm-hmm.

Or thinking about how I was made fun of because my pants weren't long enough.

Yeah.

Because we couldn't find pants that were long enough.

Yeah. I get a lot of tall girl trauma around that. like, if cropped pants are... Even if the cropped pants technically look cute on the person, if you've come from your situation, you're... it's not for everyone. just makes you feel like you're hitting those triggers.

But that's the kind of thing that I'm talking about, is, is this calling to some sort of past trauma? We can work around that.

if something's itchy. Yeah ... you're neurodivergent and clothes can't be too- Yes ... tight or they need to be tight on you.

Yep.

Yep. You don't wanna have to think about the clothes that you're wearing.

I've dealt with all of these issues, and I make sure before I go into anyone's closet or certainly before there's any shopping that I have a full understanding of all of those things, and that I respect them. We have a very detailed intake questionnaire that every client gets that goes into things that I'm sure people are like, why is she asking me these questions about, my favorite music, and favorite vacation spots?"

And of course we dig into things tactile concerns, and weird foot issues, and all the other things that I'm going to need to know. But, fundamentally understanding the person and what brings them joy outside of clothes helps me figure out what types of clothes are going to channel that same, energy that is in the music that they love, that's in the places where they like to vacation.

And I think we're both past the point of, we've seen a lot of styles change-

Yes ...

where maybe it's being fashionable, but more than that, making sure that it's more your body style and more your personality.

Yeah.

For me, I am drawn to people where I can see their personality-

Mm-hmm

by what they're wearing-

Yeah ...

instead of that is totally absolutely on trend.

Yeah. It's quite liberating to get to that point. It can be difficult for people. You have to consider, to some degree, you have to consider the environment that you're in. So recently I had a client who is an attorney, I have a lot of attorney clients in DC, who was very interested in exploring a completely different style.

She had just moved, she was starting a new job. She wanted to walk into this as this kind of vision that she had. And, she was concerned that the vision wasn't professional enough to be taken seriously as an attorney. And there was nothing about this kind of outside the box idea of how she wanted to dress that was unprofessional.

And we were able to achieve the wardrobe, and she was very happy and felt very much like herself, and I have no doubt that she isn't being taken seriously, wearing something outside the DC uniform. But you have to have some courage to do that. like even in parent circles, there are strong similarities in the way that the moms show up.

I should say the parents, but it's particular pressure from women, the way the moms show up at the bus stop, the way, you go to those school functions. There's a lot of pressure to conform, and I think that pressure is one of the big things that eats people up from the inside, is trying to mirror what other people are doing, even when that doesn't necessarily flatter their body or speak to their character.

Let's talk about the emotional side for just a second, and then I'll get back to my questions, of before and after working- with somebody, when they feel like they are showing up as themselves.

So the before is very demoralizing for people. A lot of people, I think their impetus to search for a stylist is coming from a lot of effort to have gotten it right on their own or with an in-store stylist or with Stitch Fix, and, just a deep sense of frustration that they're unable to accomplish this by themselves.

And I think there's shame around that as well, that people feel that they should be able to dress themselves the way that they should be able to feed themselves. But I talk about this a lot. I'm a terrible cook. I love to eat well. I hate going to grocery stores. I hate meal planning. I just want to be fed and get it over with, and this parallel really helps me understand my clients who you try it over and over again, and you might get successful once, but the next time you totally fail, and you have to do it again and again and again, and it just drills down the narrative that you're really bad at this.

So that's what the before is. Lots of times it's people have seen terrible pictures of themselves, candid photos that I always say kill dreams. you think you looked great, and then you see this picture of yourself from a party with your arm smashed against the side of your body, and you're like, "Oh my God," "I looked so terrible."

Pictures are not the truth. But a lot of times it's something like that. They had an important event where they felt really like they didn't belong in the room, or it's just that constant sense of frustration being in their own closet, a sense of being lost when they're shopping, having no idea where to begin or what they want, feeling at the mercy of stores.

After the experience with Get Dressed Go, people feel relieved, I would say is the number one adjective that comes to mind, because they have an honest wardrobe. You can have a million clothes in your closet. You have a ton of clothes, but you have nothing to wear.

The truth of it is that you have a lot of things, you have a lot of mental blocks in your closet, but the clothes that you have are the clothes that you wear. So after a closet audit, when people are just shocked at how much stuff they're giving away or consigning or whatever, and they see the clothes that they've kept, which are the ones that actually fit, are in good condition, and that speak to who they are right now,

it's really eye-opening, I think, about spending habits and, peer pressure and, how much we hold on to memory, and how that negatively-- all those things negatively impact, getting dressed every day

And it makes me think about,

how many times have we felt like my body type does not fit what's in fashion right now, or I hate this part of my body,

yeah. When really it's you're not picking the clothes that are for your body type.

That is definitely true a lot of the time.

It's also why when I start kind of establishing a vision with people, I zoom way, way out to the things, that where they generally genuinely have joy sparked inside of them.

So when we're, let's say, putting together a vision board, we're not thinking about the client's body. We're thinking about, the energy that the image is projecting. So as I'm thinking about this, I'm thinking about how many people talk to me about Zendaya. Everybody loves Zendaya. Zendaya is a noodle of a woman, with the best stylist in the world,

And, the odds are stacked against the fact that you're gonna come out of this looking exactly like Zendaya. However, because her style is so broad, when we look at lots of pictures of her, different clients will pick out different aspects of her outfits. Like, she'll do something vintage that's super cool.

She'll do something that's super classic that's super cool. And just looking at those pictures knowing that this is not possible, like this exact outfit is not what I'm looking for my client, helps me understand what they're attracted to energetically. And then it's my job to interpret that on their bodies at their budget, and in a way that is highly versatile, that isn't, just going to last a season and that isn't going to be able to be worn only one way.

And it sounds like it's also materials that will hold up, and so it's not one season.

Yeah.

Everybody has a lot of concerns about quality, understandably. Quality has definitely gone down a lot, while the prices of clothes have gone up significantly, and that is... it's definitely a concern that I hear a lot, particularly about cashmere.

Yeah, cashmere has been so popular for so many years, and, feels so amazing at first, and kind of regardless of how much you spend on it, it pills really quickly. And, so when I'm advising people where to spend money and where not to spend money, cashmere comes up a lot.

Yeah, and there's some things where the more you wash it, maybe it gets tighter in a good way, if you're small like me.

Yeah.

Maybe that's not a good way, or maybe it's looser, which could be good or bad. It's definitely thinking about fit over time and how it changes.

But I think it's important to say here that nothing lasts forever. I think that people want to get it over with and not think about it again until the clothes fall apart or until they start feeling really bad, and that's one of the practices that I try to coach people around, is that it is something that requires maintenance, that there's this initial investment of working with me or my team and the clothes that you get to kind of launch you.

But if you want to keep that feeling of being put together, expressing yourself, you have to allow for evolution in your closet and of the clothes that you've chosen. We are constantly evolving as people. I am not the same now as I was six months ago or six months before that, and it's important for me to make sure that I'm keeping room, financially, literally in my closet, for things to evolve, and that I am staying honest about what feels right to me this year, or what doesn't feel right to me this year that did feel right last year.

And I don't have to question that too much, because I know that the answer is evolution. It's where I was emotionally last summer was different than where I am emotionally and professionally this summer. I know that there's a lot of listeners who are not gonna wanna hear that, but ignoring that is how people really get into ruts.

You lose the ability to flex the muscle. You pretend it doesn't matter, but it adds up over the years to really mattering and to making you feel, this deep frustration that I'm talking about.

I'm still gonna go off of the questions that we planned together.

That's fine. Just a good conversation.

So let's talk about the financial aspect of this for a second. Because when you are wearing clothes that you don't feel comfortable in, that absolutely shows up financially compared to somebody who feels empowered, and it's showing up- in what they're wearing. And they're no longer having to think about their clothing and adjust things or-

Yeah

try and ignore the scratchiness or whatever's going on.

Yeah.

So they feel like they can be kind of that powerhouse, and they're owning themselves. How does that show up financially, like the differences here? Because this is absolutely an investment in yourself.

This goes back to what I was saying about how they are communicating your worth to you.

Clothes that fit properly, clothes that hang well, clothes that tactile-wise feel good to you, those things make your day better. There's been studies about how it increases your earning potential, your confidence. All of these things are improved by that. It is such a leap for people to go from one level of clothing to the next level of clothing in terms of quality and investment.

And that, for a certain sector of my clients is part of where the real coaching is, that it is better to have one really good quality dress that you wear that becomes sort of a signature piece to you for a year than it is to have 20 dresses that you bought on a sale rack thinking that like, oh, you're gonna have such a big wardrobe and, have such a good time with all of these things.

If all of those things fall apart when you wash them or hang kind of weird on your body, or just generally speaking are a compromise when clothes are the last thing that should be a compromise to you. Because they're the f- the first thing that people see, and they're the first thing that touches your body-

Being honest with yourself about what you love is one of the big keys, and I think a lot of people have been talked out of that because, they work in an industry or they live in a place where considering your clothes is considered vain or silly or it makes you less smart. But when people really connect to their clothes, like genuinely I hate to keep using the word confidence again, but it's such a confidence booster, not just in how you look, but it's a reaffirmation of who you are as a person.

And that... it's like a cycle. That makes you look better in the clothes. The clothes look better on you w- when the two things are really well aligned. It's not like I have a lot of people coming into my closet, but when I'm training people, interns, mentorships, whatever, I train them at my house in my closet, and people are often surprised at how few clothes I have in my closet and the way that my closet is arranged.

I really have learned this over the years with my clients, that the truth is, in any given season, we're wearing 15-ish pieces on repeat because those are the things that are the most comfortable and speak the most to who we are right now. And if you genuinely love those things and they really fit, it's no problem to only have 15 things.

It's a joy, and that... And it makes it easy to get dressed every morning. Oh, today is a jeans day. I wanna do these shoes. They look the best with these jeans. And then you just have to throw a top on. Incredibly efficient.

It just takes that honesty, one, and two, the self-control to stick to the vision that you have for yourself and not buy a bunch of compromises or not succumb to impulse buying, which is very tough.

Yes. Very tough. When you're getting your period, when you've had a bad day, there's all the reasons. When you're with a friend who's encouraging you to get the thing, when you have a date or a party coming up and you're like, "Oh my God, they've already seen me in that thing," We never make our best decisions under duress.

So I have, lots of things that I teach people around not doing that and getting their dopamine hit in some other way, because that's healthier.

When you were talking about compromising, you can still take the same episode and think about that with job searching- Mm-hmm ... with dating,

Mm-hmm.

Yes ...

friendshipping.

So many different ways.

Yeah, you know in your gut when it's clicking.

Yeah.

I love it that you just said all of that. Especially with friendshipping. You can think, "Oh, there's all the reasons in the world that I should like this person," and there's something that you just don't.

So it's the same thing with clothes. Like, I should like it, but I just don't. And I have to say, it's easier to get connected to that voice if you have things in your closet that you really love, that are sort of north stars, because then you can work backwards from there. You know how amazing you feel in this thing.

Do you feel that amazing in this thing that you're considering buying? And again, this is where the discipline comes in. Unless that thing is purely functional, I'm never gonna feel great in the coat that I'm wearing to Canada to walk around at Christmastime. You're doing yourself a much better service to listen to that inner voice and not buy the thing, and keep looking for the other things that do make you feel that way.

Well, and

how much of our closet is that, that we really need to purge because it's not quite right?

Yep.

Yeah.

I understand that people aren't always ready to do that.

But, an exercise that I like to do with clients a lot... And again, it helps if we've been through the intake questionnaire if we have a vision for where we're going. It's so overwhelming to people to clean out their closets, because you're looking at all the money that's going out the door.

There's so much guilt involved around how much weight you gained, how much weight you lost, how much your weight fluctuates. Your mother-in-law gave you this, and how are you gonna get rid of it if she spent so much money on it? It's overwhelming. I wore this to a funeral.

Like, there's so many- Oh, my God. I'm, I'm so glad you, you brought up the funeral thing. I'll come ba- back to that in just a second. But if you reverse engineer the process and go through your closet to pull out the things that you truly love, like love, not just like, "Oh, this is my best pair of jeans. It's fine."

The thing that you love. A very early client only had one thing, which was a purse that she had bought recently, that was completely outside the vernacular of the rest of her closet. It was nothing like her other clothes. And I was like this is so surprising that you have this purse. Tell me...

explain to me what this purse is as though I am... It's my first day here on planet Earth. What does this purse represent?" And she just was glowing talking about, "It's sexy. It's funky. It's vibrant." And I was like, "Okay. These are our adjectives for you: sexy, funky, vibrant. Let's go back into your closet, and with each of these pieces, is it sexy?

Is it funky? Is it vibrant?" And she was like, "No." N- none of them were. But then that is what guided our shopping, is sexy, funky, vibrant, putting together this new style for her.

What did you-- Oh, funeral dress. Yes. We all need a funeral dress. We do not need our funeral dresses to live in our everyday closets.

Those dresses carry a lot of weight that is not part of the freedom and expansion that being in a closet should be. It should feel fun to be in your own closet, believe it or not, even for people who hate clothes. It should at least feel efficient. But, another early client had a really nice, Diane von Furstenberg black wrap dress that was, very different from her kind of boho style, so I called it out and she said, probably the most expensive dress I own, and I bought it for my brother's funeral, which was the saddest day of my life."

And she had a tiny little closet, which meant that every day she was seeing that dress and touching that dress to get to other things, and thinking about her brother's funeral. And we all, many of us, have things like that in our closet, that are emotionally getting in the way of the process, but also spatially getting in the way of the process.

Special occasion things like cocktail dresses, holiday gowns that people hold onto, even though I'm not always a big fan of that. Novelty items, Halloween costumes, Christmas sweaters, those things can all go somewhere else. You need, something that is only speaking to the current season and the current you and what you're really wearing every day if you want it to be an efficient experience.

And the vibe that I'm getting from this is that you should be happy when you go into your closet because it is so- Yes ...

you. Yes. It,

it doesn't look like anybody else's closet.

Yes.

It's you, like the epitome of your personality.

It's a very validating thing.

It's a lot of work, but it's very validating and empowering, no matter what size your closet is, to walk in and have it greet you and be ready for you and who you are, as opposed to the experience that it is for a lot of people, which is the wrong size, regrets.

It's like scream. It's like the bad voices like in your brain, except it's right in front of your face. Actually, there's a great quote, from this podcast I listen to all the time called Fashion Neurosis that's hosted by, a fashion designer who is, Freud's, I think, great-granddaughter. So there's a real...

There's a depth to the conversations that I really like a lot, and I think it was her father that said, "In your closet hang your brains." And I really thought, that's it... Like your mental state, your emotional state, the things you care about, that's what we see when we walk into anyone's closet.

And sometimes it's a mess. And at the end, it's the truth

Makes me think about how before I podcast, if I have a lot of tabs open, I have to close them.

Yes.

Just to feel like I have those tabs closed on my brain, too.

Yeah. So- There's a lot of tabs open and a lot of closets. Yep.

Yeah.

I love that analogy, actually. I'm gonna come back to this. This is something I have to think about. This is something I don't wanna do. All of those things, yep.

We have those in our closet. Mm-hmm.

What I keep thinking about, because I grew up on the show of What Not to Wear- Mm-hmm ... which is a fun show, but

it missed a lot of points.

It did.

And it's, it

has not aged well.

No. And it's really fun to watch it after, like- Mm-hmm ... and being like, "Oh, okay." Mm-hmm. Like, that was just trendy for that time. It doesn't really work. Mm-hmm. Especially the way they emotionally managed the people on the show-

Yeah,

yeah ... now being a coach and seeing that and being, "Oof."

It was very early

And they weren't respecting... Yeah, and they weren't respecting that person's personality.

That's really standing out to me from our conversation right now, is just how much it was about the trend.

And especially if somebody was smaller bust size. Yeah. You're gonna wear a super padded bra. Mm-hmm. And you're gonna fit the norm instead of finding clothes that fit you. Yeah. We're gonna change you to fit-

Yeah. That's a good example- ... whatever the style is ... of I think what, personal shopping especially has the reputation for being, is we're gonna go shopping and I'm gonna get you these things because these are the things that are current and are gonna help you fit in.

As you can tell, it's very much not what I do. The shopping is sort of the icing on the cake after a lot of borderline therapeutic work around understanding yourself and what you want and how you wanna feel. And I really feel like that's where my magic comes in, is taking the words that people write in the intake questionnaire, translating them into an agreed vision, and calling out any discrepancies that I find in what they're saying and what they want and what they do,

Oh, that's what society says. That's not where you actually are. Yes, exactly.

Or that you, You are a total Swiftie. can't get enough. But, the person that you're using for your style inspiration is... This comes- Oh, God ... not as much anymore, but G- Kate Middleton.

 like, it's it's something very conservative, very, y- you can understand what I'm saying. It's not feminine. It's not bold. It's not flashy. Then we have to figure out what's the middle ground. What is it about Taylor Swift's music that makes you feel so amazing, and what is it about Kate Middleton that you actually want?

And then

there's you.

This is my favorite part. And putting you together. This is where the digging around goes. And both of those women are really tall and really slender, and you're 5'4 and a size eight, so how are we... once we have the idea of, wh- what the intersection is of those two inspirations, then how are we translating that onto your body?

It's qui- it, it's an art. It's not a science. But beyond working with me or my team, there's the ability to carry that through yourself. That's definitely our goal.

I wanna ask you a different question Okay. Because people could be listening to this and say, "Okay, but I'm not ready yet to work with Kate."

Yeah.

This is a goal for in the future. What changes can they make now? You've kind of- mentioned some of them, but, let's just... Here it is-

...

For you, for the people who you need to update, you know that it, your wardrobe is not matching your personality, it's not matching where you want to be.

Because there should be some future forecasting in here of this is where I am going, not just where I am at currently.

Yeah.

What do you recommend for them? Sounds like definitely going through your wardrobe, definitely having a come to Jesus talk with yourself.

Yep.

What else?

Love that phrase.

It's very hard to do any of that if you don't have a vision.

So I think it's an exercise that people can do on their own, as long as they're able to remove themselves from the truth of what they really love. Not everyone's on Instagram, but one of my questions is do you follow any fashion accounts on Instagram? And so even if those people are not built like you, even if their lifestyle has nothing to do with you, it's important to collect your favorite images of those people, your favorite images of, coming back to Zendaya, your favorite images of Katharine Hepburn.

It doesn't matter how diverse these things are, but these people that you're drawn to, even if it's not from a fashion perspective, it's from an energy perspective. oh, I just think, she's so cool. I love how self-possessed she is. Gathering these things all into a bucket, we used to do when we were kids.

 you may have already- Cut out all the magazines ... but you pulled out the magazine things and pinned them to a board. It's aspirational. My

I kept mine neat and tidy. They hated borrowing mine 'cause I did not even want- ... like wrinkles. You better not mess with my magazine 'cause apparently-

I'm keeping them forever. I never did.

Okay. I definitely had friends like that, but I was a tearer-outer, for sure.

I think that's better. Your way is better and healthier.

It's a good exercise to start to understand what are the commonalities of these things. oh, is there...

 this seems like almost a boho vibe. I didn't think that I was into that kind of thing. Or, like, do I... Is it, like, a witchy Stevie Nicks thing here that's the com- just to kind of see it, what lights you up, put all those things together, and then see if you can figure out, the commonalities.

I would actually like to go back to a time when I felt very lost, which was, I, had a baby and stayed at home for a year. And as I started to go back to work, I was absolutely flummoxed because for the first time in my life, as someone who loves clothes, who loves shopping, who loves getting dressed, I was like n- And I could fit the things that I had worn before I was pregnant, but nothing felt right.

I felt like my whole world has changed. My routines have changed. everything's different. I'm a different person. It was the first time I'd really felt like that all of a sudden, and none of these things work. It was a Vogue magazine that was, profiling a shop owner, a boutique owner in Brooklyn, and she was sitting on the stoop of her shop.

And I was like that's It... And I'm sure that it was a lot, the pose, it was her job, it was whatever, but I was like, "That's the woman that I am right now." So I tore that picture out of the magazine, stuck it in my wallet, and I was walking around to TJ Maxx, trying to find a few outfits, and feeling confused, as a lot of clients feel when they can fit standard sizes and they basically like shopping and they can figure out how to make most things look cute.

That was sort of my habit. It's like, "Oh, this is cute. I can wear this somehow." But I was looking for a smaller cohesive wardrobe. So to be able to take myself out of it and say, "Would this woman wear this thing?" She would not. Would this woman wear these jeans? Yes, she would. And make a cart full of those things helped me reconnect with myself.

Again, it's not that I was trying to be her or wear those things. It was m- my gut reaction to her vibe And then for whatever reason, an identification with that as my new identity, and then taking myself out of the process and making it about her made it possible for me to have a wardrobe that I liked.

I have four kids. And it took until my fourth kid, I was reading a book- and the character in the book said what you said about how you are completely fundamentally different. And it was really hard because my husband still saw me as the same version.

And I changed with every single kid.

You would think that it would be just the one time, because I'm a mom, the whole time-

Right ...

through.

Mm-hmm.

So I love that you pointed that out. That's why I was smiling, because, I, for book club actually, it was my turn to pick the book, and I picked that book and had everyone in book club read it.

Mm-hmm ... "

Did you notice this quote? This is why I picked out the book for you guys."

Yeah ...

so this was just last month that we read the book,

oh, cool. Very cool.

Yeah ... I was newborn stage with my fourth. Mm-hmm. And I finally, I had my husband read that part of the book, 'cause I'm like, "This is what I've been trying to tell you and I have not-

had the words for."

Yeah.

And it's hard when you don't have the words, and sometimes clothing is like that too.

Your husband sounds like a sweetheart. I've, on the other episodes I listened to, he sounds like a big fan, and that is delightful. Don't... never change, mom's husband.

But- No, keep evolving

with me. Keep changing

with me. Allowing you to evolve, Not that it's up to him or not, but this is also why I feel like working with someone who's a stranger, is very helpful. I did not know you before you were a mom.

I did not know you when you weighed 20 pounds less. I see you for the person that you are right now. You've welcomed me into your life at this moment, and all the decisions that we're making are about this moment. I ask a lot of questions about the past because, for example, knowing a time that you felt fantastic.

Describe to me the outfit that you were wearing when you felt so fantastic. That lets me know that, one, you have that muscle buried somewhere, and two, there's a lot about the description of that outfit or the picture of you in that outfit that informs, like, it's a clue about what your actual soul is.

I bought something recently that was much more expensive than the clothes that I normally buy. This signified a big jump for me. But when I saw it, on the rack, I was like, "Oh, no. Oh my God, please don't let this be as wonderful as I think it is."

But I tried it on, and I normally don't try on- things like this. Like, I don't wanna know. I don't wanna, like, look at the puppy if I can't take it home. I just, I don't wanna do it. But- When I put it on, I was like, my, my inner 10-year-old is excited. My inner 80-year-old loves it,

that's what I mean when I say that I don't think your soul fundamentally changes. What connects, what lights you up, I think there is a through line for most people, that, if you're lucky, this is what I was talking about with the North Star. If you're lucky, there is one piece, the purse in that woman's closet that I mentioned earlier, the jumpsuit that I was just talking about, that can serve as kind of a reset, or an idea of who you really are.

And it becomes a different kind of fun to search for more things that are like that, as opposed to going backwards to, just being at the mercy of whatever the store has at the time.

And I love that, and it keeps bringing me back to, I've been doing in-person business card exchanges with-

different business owners, and it's, what I've seen in shows of, dating, the, what is that called? The fast dating.

Yeah.

It's like that, but it's, you're doing it with businesses. And- the people that I'm drawn to are the people where I can tell I'm going to enjoy their personality based on their clothes.

Mm.

And if you think about that, you were talking about that lawyer in DC, she is going to find her ideal clients because they are going to resonate with her personality. And the fact that she stands out from everybody else, when all the lawyers look the same, you're going to want somebody who is a bit different, thinks outside of the box, especially if you've had-

a lawyer before and you didn't have the best experience.

Mm-hmm. So

it just makes me think about how you want that.

Yeah.

When somebody has a really cool tattoo that's, something that I'm interested in, I go and talk to that person.

Or if they have clothing where I can tell that it's them-

Mm-hmm

I will want to go and talk to that person because they are being authentically themselves.

Yeah.

And it makes me think about when I was in school, I tried to blend in, and how that felt- compared to now at this age, being 40, well, now 41- of I wanna be myself.

Mm-hmm.

And I wanna show who I am, because- Yeah

how many times have you met someone or seen somebody and you expect their personality to be one way, and then you find out it's another, especially if you think it's going to be a negative personality. Yeah.

You

find out that they are Like your soul sister or whatever

Yeah ...

clothing can help portray that because we have very few seconds to have that first impression.

Mm-hmm.

It's really hard to rewrite that first impression.

That's true, and the first impressions are very important. I agree with everything you said.

I think that people who are authentically expressing themselves, I mean, you basically said this, but I think it inspires trust in a quickly, in a way that doesn't have anything to do necessarily with the clothes.

It's not like you have to like the clothes necessarily, but to know that someone is being authentic, being brave, all of those things, Speak to confidence and speak to trustworthiness in a way that people who are walking around, this was a What Not To Wear phrase, the pajamification of America.

We're a very casual society now. It's, athleisure all the time. I live in a very casual neighborhood, and I've had to have, one part of my closet that's just for, my incognito stylist, just this person who lives in this casual neighborhood Like, I can't walk around looking like this there.

It would be weird. But I have found something that feels authentic to me that doesn't, call negative attention to me, I guess. Like, these are all the balances that you sort of have to think about. But there has to be an honesty in everything because, where I live, my answer has been giant overalls, because I love how functional they are.

I think they're kind of cool. I think, my body looks cute underneath them. And they are just as casual as I need to be in the neighborhood, but they are not walking around in yoga clothes, which is what everybody else does. So, I guess I'm just saying there's different ways of being honest.

There's different ways of being bold, different ways of connecting with yourself. And, being aware of your audience is part of feeling really confident in your clothes.

Yeah. Makes me think about how I, with my husband being out of town, my husband was out of town for a few days, so I decided I was gonna overhaul the garden.

Because I could put mulch on his side of the driveway and it would not affect him.

Okay.

So I made sure that I was wearing clothing that would be- appropriate for hauling mulch around. That was easy to wash. That was comfortable, starting out cold and getting hot throughout the day.

Just that whole idea.

Let me ask you a question that will then be answered in the newsletter, but because I didn't ask most of the questions I planned, I get to figure out which one. While I look, can you answer for the audience how to work with you, where they can go to work with you?

So my website is getdressedgo.com, and Instagram is @get_dressed_go.

These are the two best ways to get in contact. The website really goes into, more into how it works. And you can meet the rest of the team there, and, connect that way. I'm also, very excited, that we have a studio now, right outside DC in Alexandria, Virginia.

It's an area called Old Town. When you said beautiful- It's so charming ... I knew it was gonna be there.

The building was built in 1789. The studio is magical. It feels like Paris. It's wonderful.

And, I really am exploring an offer to have classes here for one thing, that would be less expensive than working with us one-on-one, but also doing one-on-one coaching with people in the studio to teach them how to do it on their own. Because I think there are people who would rather do it that way and I think that this would be a very successful way for people to do this at their own pace and in a way that feels comfortable to them.

Again, therapy adjacent. Come for an hour. We'll talk about what's happening. We'll talk about next steps. You come back to me when you're ready, and we'll talk about how that felt. So keep an eye out for, those offers happening early next year.

I love that. I have a personal organizer that I met at one of the networking events.

She and I connected really well personality-wise and everything, plus she was wearing clothing that totally showed her personality.

But I could see her wanting to join that class, so I'll make sure to pass that on.

Okay.

It starts with you. You have got to take care of yourself. Yeah.

Thank you ... a great rest of your day.

Enjoy the weather. I hope you do too. It's warm. This was a great conversation. I know, it's amazing.

Thank you so much for joining our discussion. If you enjoyed this, please like, subscribe, most of all, share the love with others. Please share this episode so that we can help other people really recalibrate every aspect of their lives so they can be the best version of themselves. And I will see you in the next episode.

I want to have my quick disclaimer here that this is not a one-size-fits-all. If you want one-on-one coaching, let's talk, and we will make sure what wellness means to you is really put into your life, put into practice.