Social Networking for Dating

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we are talking about social networking and all things networking, social wellness. Just that's what we're jamming on today.

Welcome to Wellness. In every season, we talk all things wellness, to help you align yourself, align with your goals, find balance in your life, and just recalibrate yourself if you are listening for the first time. Welcome, welcome. I'm so glad you're here, and let's get started in the rest of the podcast.

Today I have with me George Beck and he does all things marketing. His business name is Ultimate Networking, there you go. He works with businesses and social networking. I love his story.

What he put in the outline of, the question, what led you to become who you are professionally. He says, graduated college, got married, got a job, had kids. This kids grew up and [00:01:00] left, and he became a full-time entrepreneur.

And judging by his background, he lives in Florida. He has that vibe where it's still peaceful. So I'm sure full-time is not really full-time, is it?

Actually, autumn, I just turned this month, 79. I've seen a lot, experienced a lot. I've done a lot. I have three kids, four grandkids, and two great-grandkids.

So that whole thing has been moving along. I experienced family life. I experienced business life. I've been in movies. I've had my own radio show. I'm a public speaker. I've written books. I was a professional flamenco dancer. I was a stained glass artist. So I filled all my years quite a bit with, a lot of activity.

So I have a lot of experience in many, many different areas. It's very diverse. So when I finally retired from daily nine to five type work and activities, I wrote six books mostly on [00:02:00] networking, both social and business. At one time, from 1985 to 1992, my wife and I ran the largest singles network in South Florida.

It was called the Find to Make Singles Network. And we used to teach single people how to use their social network in order to find a mate.

That's what we can talk about today. We can talk about, how to use your social network to be effective in your own life, because I think you and I talked off camera here about how people are becoming disconnected.

So how do we get back connected and create a support group? And those things are very important.

Yeah. I'm so excited to talk about this. The goal is we're gonna talk about some of the problems and we're gonna dive even deeper in the solutions because I love solutions. We already have a basic idea of what our problems are.

We know there's a problem.

So what problems are you seeing that are out there, especially when it comes to [00:03:00] our own social wellness? Why is this even a problem? What are you seeing?

Well, we just did. I like the facts. I like to look at numbers. I don't like theories and ideas in somebody's philosophy, but recently we came up with a new saying that the United States is, we're operating in a hybrid foster care system.

And think about this. There are, and a lot of people are not aware of this, there's 400,000 kids in the foster care system right now today. And, roughly speaking, let's just use 50% of marriages are divorced, situations. So that means there's 70 million kids under 18. So half of those kids, and again, I'm just breaking down rough numbers.

So 35 million kids are living in, I call it a hybrid foster care system. So if you're not with your real mom and dad, if you're with a stepdad, stepmom, or a single mom or single dad. Technically you're in a foster care system of sorts. You're not with the [00:04:00] real family. So we're dealing with half of the children in our society are in dysfunctional situations now.

I grew up with a real mom and dad. My mom and dad they were, you know, married right to the end. And I can't imagine to envision my mom and dad being divorced with other people. I just think to myself, that'd be horrific. The number one thing that they found psychologically speaking is the worst thing for a child in their mental aspect of life is to see their mother with another man.

Not the father necessarily, but it's the mother. And that's really kind of strange when you think about it, but not so because the kids see, they don't want another man to be with their mother. There's something just magical about the mother. Like the Virgin Mary. I mean, it's like a sacred thing. Mom is sacred.

So these are some of the things that we're finding out that's happening in today's world. [00:05:00] Now once you get into these situations where you have all these disjointed families, the only other thing you can do is try to keep the real families or the real mom and dads connected, supporting each other.

And a lot of the problem is when people get divorced, they don't support each other. They fight, they have court cases. There's, arguing over the different, finances and so forth. So it really creates a lot of mental disturbance in the kids.

It does, and it's something that a lot of people don't realize.

I came from a divorced family, so dysfunctional. I don't think there was any fun and dysfunctional. It was just dysfunctional in my family the fact that if you are looking to get a divorce or not putting enough into your marriage, just people don't realize how much it affects the child and it affects 'em for the rest of their lives.

Exactly. And not only them, but it goes through the [00:06:00] generations. It still is affecting my children. And I had a conversation with our kids yesterday, even my oldest is 11 years old, so he is at that age where I can start to share with him about dating and that type of stuff. And he's starting to realize that there are differences with his friends because he is very social.

I was explaining it to him that the best thing you can do for the family is to have a really strong mother and father who absolutely love each other and are devoted to each other.

That is the best thing you can do for kids. It's not as much the relationship you have with the kids. Absolutely that's important. But the most critical is the relationship within the couple, because when they are happy, it shows up in everything else within the family, and there's that peace, sense of peace and safety.

And I have shared with him a little bits at his level of my childhood, especially explaining [00:07:00] when he's asked, how come I don't talk about my parents? Don't I have another grandma and grandpa? You sure do, but they're not involved in our family because they're not safe emotionally for us, and not everybody needs to have a relationship with someone because of blood.

If they're not safe, they're not safe, and you don't wanna continue that generational trauma. So that right there. And I have shared with so many friends that are getting divorced, remember your children because as much as children are resilient, that doesn't mean we need to test it so many divorced couples, it just becomes about their own pain and they forget their children, and so many children become latchkey kids.

They are the children who, both parents are blaming each other and they're not coming together to raise the child.

So the child ends up raising themselves and it's completely unfair. [00:08:00] And there's the other part of it where parenting is hard. And it absolutely puts a strain on a relationship having children. But it's one of those things, if you think about it, like bodybuilding, it builds up those muscles. For me, I feel so much more love for my husband because I have to put more effort in to try and have a conversation with him without being interrupted.

I have to put in the effort is basically what I'm saying and it makes an absolute difference. And I think having that sense of safety is so important, especially within a relationship. And that is something that's critical for me because I did not have that sense of safety growing up.

And my husband is absolutely my safe person. He needs to find somebody that he not only feels very safe with and comfortable with, but somebody who [00:09:00] will encourage him to be his better self.

Well, that kinda leads into, social networking, which, we're gonna talk about tonight.

My wife and I, ran the largest singles network in South Florida from 1985 to 1992, and we used to teach single people how to use their social network. This is before, online dating and cell phones and the internet and so forth. Basically it's still apropos to use your social network versus going to singles bars or speed dating or online dating, which is full of strangers.

People you don't know and they don't know you, they don't know their friends, you don't know anything about 'em. They could lie, they could be predators, they could lead you down a path. But when you use your social network. You are connecting with people that are connected to other people.

There's more accountability. There's more responsibility in both parties when they come together. So I'll tell you Autumn, how I found my wife. This is back in 1979, okay? I had a big mop of hair.

I had big chops on [00:10:00] the side. I had a smoky and a bandit Firebird. So I had plenty of dates. I was a great disco dancer.

But the real question is, did you have the walk?

Yeah. But you know, I would walk into clubs and the girls would just run up to me and, Hey, when Boogie Ugi Ugi comes on, or Disco Inferno comes on, well, you dance with me.

You know, I did, I lived Saturday Night Fever. But the problem was I was dating, I call the girls that I was dating Bimbos. Men are visual. So I'd walk in the club and of course what would I look at? The girls with the shortest skirts, the tightest dresses and you know, that's what I would, gravitate to.

And I was dating these girls and I go, you know, I don't wanna, I wouldn't marry, I wouldn't wanna marry these girls. So I said, how do I find a girl that I wanna marry? So what I did. I made a love list, it's called, I wrote down everything I wanted in the opposite sex personality traits, background, experience, deal makers, deal breakers approximate [00:11:00] age range, height range.

And I made copies and gave it to my 10 best male friends. At the time, they were all meeting women. And three months later, my best friend Paul, he calls me up, he goes, Hey George, you gotta meet this girl. So he introduced me to my now wife. We've been married 46 years. She was the perfect specimen that I wanted to find, but I would've never met her if I hadn't used my social network.

'cause she was younger, she was 10 years younger and my friend was at a party where she was at. So we wouldn't have been in the same circles. But we met up, we got married 46 years later. It's been great. So that's what I teach people how to use your social network. I used to use a 20 question interview.

I had 20 questions that I would ask any female that fit the right description to go through the list. And this was amazing. But when I talked to my now wife, she answered every question to my satisfaction. And I walked away and I still [00:12:00] remember, I said, you know what, you would make a good wife someday.

And of course it was a good wife for me, maybe not for anybody else, but for me it was. I said, wow, man, that's amazing. So it went from there, from the interview to getting married and it just progressed and we've, had 46 great years.

That's. I never would've thought about making the list and then sharing it because I don't know how many times I've had to do it, like in church groups and whatever growing up, and I was always told at the end of it, okay, now make sure that you are also matching that criteria, that you have a good sense of humor, that you are very empathetic, and whatever else I put on the list.

My husband, he met almost every single thing on the list. And then after we were dating for a bit, he then met the other one 'cause he was still living at home. That was on my list. Don't live at home anymore.

He moved out shortly after. I just knew that [00:13:00] making that list would help me know when I found the right person.

No, if nothing else, that is the best thing to do. Yeah. At least mentally you have a reference point.

Okay. Of what to, so you don't waste time with the wrong person. But the second step is to use your social network, which most people don't ever think about, but you can use your family, your friends, your neighbors. And everybody that's single has at least three to five single friends, right? I'm just assuming.

So you could even have a party some night. Invite your single friends together and everybody make their love list and share it with each other. Now, here's the other cool part, especially for females. Like if you went out as a female and you saw a guy you were interested in, most females will not or cannot approach that guy.

They're not gonna just go up there and say, Hey, hi, how are you? Because in most cases, the guy's gonna think that you're hitting on them for sexual circumstances. That's the male mind like, oh, this girl's hitting [00:14:00] on me. She's an easy mark. So that's why women, I think, don't approach men because they're afraid that that's what's the dynamics are gonna happen and go in that direction.

But if you go to a club or some kind of an event with a female partner. You pick out a guy you like, and then she goes over and introduces herself and mentions that you're interested. You would like to meet him, and she brings him over. Then he can reject her if he's not interested, he doesn't reject you.

He rejects her, which she doesn't care. And then you don't take it as it's not a, the fear of rejection anymore. It's like, so what? It's not a big deal. And sometimes, and we found that some gals use this in reverse. They actually like the guy, they go over and pretend they're meeting the guy for their friend, but they're really meeting the guy for themselves.

And the guy might like you versus your friend Anyway, so there's [00:15:00] all these different dynamics, but it gives the female the chance to interact with whoever they want.

And it makes it so you're not tied down to them.

It's a comfortable, convenient way to meet new people, especially for women to meet men.

When you were first talking about this and introducing the idea of social networking for dating, it made me think about how. I will use that before I go out to eat because I wanna make sure that I'm not wasting my food calories or, the space in my stomach on something gross.

Especially something where I'm gonna be sick for the next several days depending on the restaurant that I eat at. And I love that idea that you. Are setting yourself up with somebody who you know by a couple degrees or whatever, but there's still a recommendation there and you kind of get a certain star rating of them based off of other people who know that person.

Right. Good point.

I love that. And it goes [00:16:00] like even in the job world, how you look for references, why not have this as well?

It works really great because like you mentioned, it's really accountability. 'cause that person that is introduced to you has some kind of accountability with the person that made the introduction.

So, like you said, there is a connection. It's not strangers. So in today's world, listen, I don't trust anybody in today's world except my mother and she's dead. So it's like, I mean, who do you trust anymore? But it's a good idea for people to give it a shot, try these different strategies because they do work and they make it more fun. The onus is not just on you now. Like, oh, I gotta find somebody to marry or find a date or a mate.

It's like, oh my God. That sounds like a daunting task. But when you get your family and friends involved, it is terrific.

Now let's take the next step and go into families. Here's something that I don't understand. In today's world, whoever thought of this idea [00:17:00] of, you have a kid, you raised a kid, and then when they go to college or high school and they graduate.

You say, I'm done. I hear this all the time. Well, I'm done. You're never done with your kids who come up with that idea that you're done. Oh, they got a job and they moved to California now I can live my life. I don't understand that.

No, you're not done with your kids. You're never done. And then here's another thing that really strikes my fancy. You realize now when people have kids, they announce to their family, well this is, we're having a kid, it's our kid now. In fact,

the whole family has the kid. It's not just the couple, the whole family that, oh, that's our kid. So now the kid is in a family. It's not just with two parents that may wind up getting divorced and then they're down to one person that they count on. In fact, you know, autumn, when I grew up in small town Ohio, in our [00:18:00] city, they didn't have divorce.

It didn't exist. Nobody got divorced. My aunts, uncles, grandparents, mom and dads, nobody. It didn't exist at all. And if somebody was divorced in our town, they were like black sheep. Everybody avoided them. It was like. Like, what's wrong with those people? What did they do? Just think about how things have changed and now it's just like, I got married, I got two kids.

I think I'm tired of them. I'm gonna go down, get an annulment. I'll see you. I'll send you a couple hundred bucks a month. I'll see you around. Like, I don't get that.

How do you prevent that with. The social networking for dating?

Well, the thing that we're lacking in this society is training.

A little bit because now I live near 'em.

Study.

Fun to go.

Pretty amazing. They don't connect in marriage for romance, love, sex, and romance. That's not why they get together. They have a whole different set of [00:19:00] concepts that bring couples together.

It's all basically community and family oriented, and they really very rarely have divorces. You know, there's always bad eggs in every society. There's things that, you know, evil things that go on, but it's minimized with the way they operate. One thing, this is amazing, you know, the Amish have no self-image.

Do you ever see the way they dress? The women don't wear makeup. They all wear the same outfits. They're neutral. You line up 10 Amish women, you couldn't tell the difference 'cause they got those head things and the dresses. So in other words, they're not trying to impress somebody, they're not trying to show off.

Now when I pick up this phone every day, I have 10 to 20 beautiful women shaking their, you know, whats on the phone, dancing around all over. And it doesn't matter. You can't block it. It's everywhere. It's on these phones. So [00:20:00] we're so enamored with self-image and then the guys, the same thing with the guys.

Why do guys have to have six pack abs? What does that do for anybody?

It's to hold my drink on it.

You know, I was in that era in the seventies, I had the six pack abs and I was in the weight room and lifting weights and trying to be, John Travolta. And after you think about it, it's just like a lot of wasted time.

I think that goes back to the list. Make sure your list is not superficial because that stuff fades with time. What really matters is their personality, their soul, what they bring out in you. For me. My husband brings me such a feeling of peace and a feeling of I can do it. He's very encouraging and he is just my support human.

That's my best way to describe him. We all deserve to have someone like that and we should be searching for someone like that and we should make sure that we are [00:21:00] becoming that person so that we can reciprocate that

Well, you know, that's another good point though about my whole system of creating a love list is the fact that the other person, you have to be on their love list because you might find somebody that fits your list, but you don't fit theirs.

That leads to the fact that everybody should try to be the best person they can be. Don't gain weight, work out, stay fit, make yourself look attractive. You don't have to, be bouncing around on social media, showing off all your assets. But at least, you know, be smart. Try to, have a good financial sense about you.

I mean, in today's world, women should have at least a good job, try to get a good job in place, and have all the things that would attract a man.

And have some passions,

yeah. I mean, my wife and I were very athletic back when we first met. I mean, she was a pole vaulter in high school and she ran track and I was a very athletic person.

And, so we clicked. It was just really great.

I [00:22:00] think men are disgusting. Okay? I don't know how women, even like men, but what we found out is a woman will like a guy that is respectful and understanding of them, but they don't really like the male species. 'cause the male species is not like that. Males are pretty disgusting.

Men, when they meet women at first send their referral partner, not themselves, okay? They send their pseudo cells. So like I remember back in the day when I was in the disco days. I would go up and I knew how to talk to women a certain way that would get 'em excited and stimulated and kind of turn 'em on.

You learn these little tips and tricks on how to manipulate women, so you gotta be real careful because I always say like men send their representative to meet the girl. They don't really send their real self, so the girl has to get in and find out the real self of the guy, not his representative.

I think that's why it's [00:23:00] important to have different settings that you're going on dates so that you can see those masks start to slip away to really get well.

Teach is that don't ever go on one-on-one dates, at least until you've met that person a couple of times. Tell 'em you'll meet 'em at an event or you'll meet 'em out with their friends and see them mingle with their friends. Before you go on a one-on-one date, see how their friends react with them, see how they act with their friends.

That's, those things are real important. And then another key ingredient is I always would ask a woman, how do you get along with your mother and father? To me that was like a really strong indicator if they started complaining about their mother and father, oh, my mother does this and my dad's that.

And now I understand if there's an alcoholic or a drug addict, or. Some abusive person, but in general, if, if you just complain about your mother and father, think about that. So you're complaining about them. What's gonna happen to me if I hook up with you?

Well, and that [00:24:00] goes back to what you're saying.

There's so many different, and you were talking

about how much it's a village that raises children, so make sure that you're gonna be okay with this village. See what the dynamic is like there.

Yeah. Well that, that's another key word, autumn, is that you really need a community to raise a kid.

You need teachers, you need coaches, you need grandparents, you need uncles, aunts. Sometimes the kids don't relate very well to the mother or the father, but they may relate to the grandfather or maybe an aunt, and it's amazing. So that's why you need this whole family because sometimes you really don't get along with your own kids.

And if you live far away, you can build up your own and still call a aunt or uncle. Thankfully now, one of my brother-in-laws lives nearby, so we get cousin time, but we have. Created our own village. Being so far away from family, that has been really helpful.

A lot of families that like are spread out. My family's all spread out, so every other Sunday night at eight o'clock we do a Zoom call. We invite the whole [00:25:00] family and we have a 45 minute to an hour zoom call and we usually highlight different people in the family and have them give us an update on what they're doing, what their job is, what their problems are, so we can find out more about everybody.

We do that every Sunday.

Great.

During COVID and it helped because everybody else was getting together, but we were the ones over here alone. So it was really nice to have our kids start being able to connect with family members and know them.

And then I also start a family website.

It's beck family.com. And what we do is we post weddings anything that happens in the family births and people get together for events. So anybody can go to the family website and see what's going on. So there's a lot of different strategies people can do to stay connected.

The key is you gotta be proactive and stay connected. Even a phone call, Hey, how you doing? Even if there's not a lot of conversation just to check up on people.

I feel like we've hit the biggest part of the dating. [00:26:00] So can we switch really quick?

I just looked at the time, we don't have a ton of time, but how does this also correlate to finding a job?

For, this is nothing new. Since Time Memorial, the best jobs are found by networking, by knowing somebody that has a business or a job and they recommend. So, you know, a parent knows somebody that owns a business and they recommend their son or daughter, referrals, recommendations.

Those still are the best ways to get jobs. And here's one thing I tell young kids today and everybody, and I tell my two grandkids that are in college, I said, start a database. I said, everybody you meet every day, that's of import your teachers kids at school, get their name, phone number, email address, and put it into a database and start building your database.

Because you never know down the road two years from now, you might want to contact a professor or somebody you met in business for all kinds of reasons, for advice, for [00:27:00] resources, for referrals. So that's a key ingredient like I have a database of 25,000 and every day. I bet I put five to 10 new people into my database the first thing I ask is, what's your name, address, and phone number? I write it on a clipboard, actually, believe it or not, an old fashioned clipboard. I carry it with me and I write their information and I make notes about the person. So a database is so critical to business networking.

You, I don't know how you could live without a great network of people that you know, and then I put 'em in categories. Attorneys, doctors, dentists. Every time I go to a dentist or a doctor, I get all their contact information, their personal email address, and I put him in my database. 'cause you don't know when you might wanna call him in two years and get a second referral on something,

or you'll think of something from the conversation like, oh, hey, I have a book for you.

And it's that, well, listen, that's, oh, you thought of me, and by [00:28:00] the way, I asked you.

Important thing is once you build a database. Try to help other people when you find something that's valuable for somebody else, I'm constantly, every day I bet, I send referral information to three to five people that I see an article, on the internet, or I see a book or I find something, I go, Hey, this person would really this, they would love this, or this would help them.

So help people.

Exactly, and what's so great is the more you help people, the more you're helping yourself, especially with those questions that you have where you're like, I can't quite. Figure out that question fully to even get an answer to that, and then suddenly it just clicks in place while you're helping somebody else out.

I love when that happens and it's one of those, wait, I wasn't expecting this because I am focusing on them. Why am I getting something?

One other important thing about high level networking business, okay, when you wanna talk to the top people, they're very busy and they're hit on all the time [00:29:00] from all sides.

So what you wanna do is get their attention however that is, and then figure out a way that you can help them. Don't call 'em up and pitch a product or an idea or whatever. Find out what might interest them or how you can maybe bring 'em a customer or you could refer them to somebody. Once you start helping somebody at a very high level, they're gonna open up and start to listen to you.

So the main way to get to the highest levels of networking is try to figure out ways to help people at that level.

That makes sense.

So there you go.

Doing that makes such a difference within your marriage and within parenting. We talked about parenting as well and all these aspects of your life. If you are helping people without strings attached, they are more likely to open up to you in a vulnerable sense. They're more likely to want to help you.

We live in such a society where there are so many strings attached that we [00:30:00] automatically have that wall come up and we're like, what's going on here? Can I trust this? Exactly. The more we help out other people, our walls come down and their walls start to come down. And that is where we really have that connection with people, is that vulnerability and it's getting to that point.

And that's why helping people,

well, I got a tip for everybody that will really maybe change your world. And I started doing this, years back when I got older is most of the time all my life, autumn, when I wake up, I would think about what am I gonna do today? What's gonna make me happy? What's gonna be fun?

Okay, so that's all about me. So I started doing this. When I wake up, I think about one person that I can help today or do a favor. One person every day. It could be your wife, could be a kid. But think about helping somebody every day. Can you imagine what that would do for yourself and your, your support system?

Think about how you, instead of thinking about how you're gonna have fun, think about how can I help [00:31:00] somebody today? So there you go.

I love that.

And one other item is wake up and say, what can I do to make my wife or husband happy today? There you go.

My wife would say, fold the towels correctly. She yells at me 'cause I don't fold towels the way she likes it.

I'm teaching my children how to fold laundry the way I like it folded.

My wife, has this cardboard thing or this device. You put the towel in it and you flip it and it makes it perfect, and I just grab 'em and just fold them.

So that's my big marital problem. Folding towels.

Oh, no, you're doomed.

Well, where can we find you? I have a website

called the Ultimate networker.com. It has my books on there if anybody wants to, get 'em in my database. I'm located in South Florida. I'll be more than happy to talk to anybody.

I'm trying to make America better. I'm trying to help people do what I can and, get the most outta life the rest of the life that [00:32:00] I have to live, stay younger, longer.

Statistics say that the biggest way you aid yourself is by isolation and loneliness. So right there you're taking the anti,

Help other people create a support group. Make sure you communicate with your family and, you'll have a great life.

Exactly. Thank you so much for this.

This was amazing and you covered both the big topics that I wanted to,

Well, it was great to be interviewed by you

thank you.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope that you found the answers that you needed, and you had some amazing aha moments. Please share this episode with others because it helps us align ourselves and then better align the world so that we can seek the healing that we really are looking for as part of the legal language.

I am a certified life coach with a Bachelor's in Applied Health. That is what I am leaning on for this. This is [00:33:00] general advice. Take it as such. See you in the next episode.