Live on Purpose

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This is episode 1 96. Today we are talking about finding your purpose after divorce and after cancer.

Welcome to Wellness. In every season, we talk all things wellness, to help you align yourself, align with your goals, find balance in your life, and just recalibrate yourself if you are listening for the first time. Welcome, welcome. I'm so glad you're here, and let's get started in the rest of the podcast.

Today I have with me Erica Caraco and welcome. Thank you for being on Erica. I am very excited for this. So she has quite the background. Of course, we're gonna be talking about cancer, which means she's a cancer survivor.

She has been through divorce. Her business name is Soul Business Collective. I really love the name. She's an [00:01:00] award-winning life purpose and business coach. She's been featured in Forbes, New York Times, and Inspired Coach Magazine, her book is called Awaken Your Purpose, and I love talking about life purpose.

So when this came across my desk, it was like absolutely, because I know so many people who are. Too busy, just struggling through the mundane. And it's really a struggle because they're not lit up by their purpose. They're not aligned there on the completely wrong path. So I am grateful that you're here and that you're gonna talk to us about this, because if we're not there, we know somebody else who is.

And I feel like through our conversation we'll have that, oh, those little alignments that we need to do for the ones who are like, I'm already where I need to be. So I am grateful that you're here and that you're giving us this time and space to talk about purpose and cancer and divorce and heavier topics, [00:02:00] but with so much light put in.

Amazing. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really looking forward to this conversation. For sure.

Me too. We already started to connect right away and I had to tell her, okay, we need to stop talking because we wanna have this vibe happen here. So yeah, I'm excited that we chose to do that

I didn't want our listeners to miss out on that.

Yeah. So yeah, sometimes it happens before the podcast starts and you're like, dang it. I wish we could have had that on the recording. So I love that you were like, let's hit record and

And then we can have our after conversation and you guys can miss out and be jealous who are listening.

But where do you wanna start this? Because I can see us going in so many different directions. In the outline, you talked about your journey to becoming a sole business success coach you had a kidney cancer. We can go so many different directions.

Was divorce at the same time as cancer. Like there's so many questions that I have. Where do you wanna start? Oh my gosh.

Well, cancer. Cancer was actually the catalyst to everything for me. [00:03:00] So cancer was the catalyst to recognizing that, you know, I was not living the life that I felt I was here to live and really shined a light on everything in my life that just felt so out of alignment.

And so it was for me, the catalyst to realize that. You know, I did need to leave my job and I, I did need to start my own business and my marriage was not aligned. We were absolutely not compatible and that that needed to go as well. So I think there's a lot of places we can start, but I think so many of us.

We know that things in our life aren't right, you know, and so many of us, I think, myself included, we're anxious and we're depressed, and we are busy and we're exhausted and we're overwhelmed and we're burnt out. But right now it's like we look at that as normal in our society and that is considered normal.

I don't know anyone that's not. Stressed and busy and running around and on antidepressants and anti-anxiety and trying to do plant medicine to heal. [00:04:00] And maybe they're in, I mean, it's like we're all feeling out of alignment. I think whether it's hugely out of alignment or like you said before, maybe just a few pieces are not quite right, or maybe we feel really comfortable and we feel like we're in alignment, but goodness, we could be living so much more.

Right. And we just don't even have the imagination to. See our lives in a bigger way than what it can actually be. But we don't have to hit rock bottom. We don't have to have the cancer or go through the divorce or. Have the other illnesses pop up, whatever it is for you, I think we can recognize where we're at and what those misalignments are in those early symptoms.

Right. And start to make those changes. And I think you and I talked just very briefly and it's like, well, yeah, we've done the hard things and we've been through it all, and it's like. Yeah. And that's why we do what we do and why we're sharing the messages we share is so that people don't have to hit those rock bottoms.

And a lot of people hit those rock bottoms and they don't come out. I know people that have died [00:05:00] from cancer. I know people that have committed suicide and taken their own lives, and a lot of people hit rock bottom and they go the other way. And so I think for me it was like as soon as I hit my rock bottom, it was like, okay, I could either give up now and just say, you know what?

This is gonna take me out. Or I can say, regardless of how much time I have left in this world, I will spend the rest of my life being of service and living my purpose and letting go of everything in my life that is. Not aligned and only filling it up with everything that is. And eight years later here I am still doing the same thing, so it must, must be working

I have two different thoughts and hopefully I can merge them together. So I've been thinking a lot about the blue zones. And for those who don't know what that is, those are people who live to 120 years and they live well. It's not the people who are like barely skating by [00:06:00] type, they are very cognitive.

They're totally there. Like in their body, their body's functioning well and what does that look like? And the biggest thing is, and you talked about this and our society, we are go, go, go, go, go, do, do, do, do. And it's real.

And we're so busy going and doing that. We aren't taking the time to find out. Well, here's my third thought is the friction. What things are causing us friction? And it is time to write my newsletter for the week and what would I put in there? And it would be talking about again, and I keep talking about this, where it's kind of maybe getting boring.

Spending time really thinking about what is causing me friction in my life. And maybe if you do that regularly, you don't get to a point where your body's like, we're done, right. We have cancer, here's what's going on. Right, totally. And then my second thought in here is I was talking to a friend of mine that.

We've been friends since middle school, on and off. But anyway, he [00:07:00] and my husband are two peas in a pod. Like we better never live near each other, otherwise they're gonna have all the toys and we're gonna be so broke and they're gonna have so much fun and it's gonna be unfair anyway.

He and I were chatting at one point and he was talking about someone that we knew and he's like, I feel like they plateaued at this age. And I had that thought for myself. I don't ever wanna feel like I'm plateauing.

Yeah.

We know so many people, if we look back in like high school days and middle school days, like that was the best that they ever were and that they're ever going to be.

And isn't that the point of wellness is that we're not doing this? We can do it for a little bit when we're recovering and then come to the next phase. So those three thoughts really came to mind is how do we.

Make sure that we are slowing down and in alignment, finding our purpose and knowing that our purpose can change.

Oh yeah, it evolves. For sure. It's like purpose is constantly evolving and the more that you peel the layers of yourself, and the more that you get to know [00:08:00] yourself and understand yourself, the deeper that you understand your purpose and the more that it really reveals itself to you as well.

So yeah, absolutely.

Keep going. Keep talking on that. It's perfect.

Well, I think for a lot of people it's figuring out where do I start, you know? They think that like our life purpose, I mean, I fully believe that we all do have a purpose. I do feel like we came here as a soul to, bring our original medicine to the world.

I do think that we have our own divine gifts and our own. Voice and stories and medicine that we're meant to bring to the world. And you know, it's original medicine is an indigenous term and it means that exactly that we have our own medicine that we are meant to bring to the world as part of our purpose.

If we don't live that and get that out there, it's lost to the world for all time. Right? And so I do believe that we do have a purpose and I think that, so many people. Have to find out there, right? I mean, myself included, my last podcast was about 50 countries and zero answers.

I literally traveled to 50 different countries trying to find my life purpose, right? And of course [00:09:00] it was none of those places. It was always within. But it's really figuring out where you are now, and where to start, right? So I have a process that I take people through and it gets you to know yourself and to understand where you can start right now with your purpose, right?

And it doesn't necessarily have to be a career or a business or a job. It's really like how can you express or how do you want to choose to express the essence of who you are out into the world, right? So it could be through being a parent, it could be through volunteer work, it could be through how you spend your time.

It definitely could be through a career or a business. But yeah, I think it's just. Really getting clear on where do you start, you know, and that can at least bring some purpose and some meaning into your day-to-day life. And that alone starts the healing, I think, in so many different ways.

I'm so glad that you spoke of the fact that it doesn't need to be your job.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. [00:10:00] And maybe this is your job for now, and then you transition to this and I think that's really where so many people go wrong. When they retire, and it can take them a while because now they don't need to worry about nine to five job. And they can really go into what is my purpose?

What is my grader? And sometimes it's what is my purpose here? And then it shifts. Yeah. So we need to remember that and be on the lookout for when that shift needs to occur. Because when we lean into it and it's the right timing, which is so hard and can feel so spiritual and woo woo, but it's this feeling.

And when you slow down, you can feel it like, now's the time to let go. Now's the time to spread my wings. Now's the time to lean into that curve if you wanna think. Bobsled. I had to do Jamaica. We had a bob in my head for a second when we're leaning into those curves and it's [00:11:00] amazing when we get that and it feels so good and then we're craving for that again.

And I think that's when we go back to having a friction list. And can you tell us what else is. Like general knowledge that you can give based off of your course that you teach people of like what, what is kind of universal that would work for anybody listening.

So what I've found, I mean I've at this point worked with thousands and thousands of people around purpose and what I've found, the golden ticket is three things.

So it's really, you know, tapping into and figuring out. What do you really love to do? What do you really love? And honestly, most of us are so disconnected from that we don't even remember anymore. So it sounds like an easy question, but when you really start to dive into that, it's really challenging for a lot of us to figure out what do you really love to do?

The second one is, what are you naturally good at? So what are your divine gifts? What are you naturally good at? And again, this is something also that usually [00:12:00] takes a third person to reflect back to us because. Our gifts are usually so innate to us, and even sometimes we feel like they're annoying, that we might not see them as a gift, right?

So that again, takes some reflection. And then the third thing is how can we combine those two? So how can we combine what we really love to do with what we're naturally good at? Combine those two things and then create value in the world in some way, shape, or form. And that truly is a universal definition component, combination of what purpose is.

Oh my goodness. So many thoughts on that.

First of all, when it's something we're good at, we can be so good at it that we think, well, everybody does this. Everybody's good at this, because it comes so Exactly. Naturally. Exactly,

yeah. It's who you are, and we're so critical, you know, on ourselves, we're so hard on ourselves and critical towards ourselves and about ourselves that most often what I've seen is that our gift at some point in our [00:13:00] life was like.

Almost, we felt like it was a curse. Like a sense sensitivity, vulnerability. Yeah, exactly. Yeah,

yeah. And so many neuro divergencies are actually our secret weapon. Yes. And I mean, yes, it can cause this pain and heartache and we have to really spend more time figuring ourselves out, but.

Taking, let's take a DHD. 'cause I, that's lived experience for me is I am really good at hyper focusing when I need to.

Yeah.

I have four little children, so I can see, oh, out of the core of my, hold on. Like you're running out in traffic, like that type of thing. Today in pickleball.

It was really funny. The woman across the court was getting ready to serve and she's like, why are you waving at me? I was waving at my husband who turned around. He was laying on a d on the other court, and I'm like, sorry, I was just saying hi to him. You're good to go now.

He's totally funny. I've learned when I can really use that and really dive [00:14:00] in and I can have several things going at one time, which is really good. And one that I've given to somebody recently. It may have even been on the podcast, sorry for people who are rehearing this, but nine 11.

Yeah, during the World Trade Center the towers, and I know some of you are younger and don't remember this, so, planes were hijacked and they flew into the Twin Towers in New York and also the Pentagon and DC and also, some, not flight attendants. Passengers took over the plane from hijackers, so that one went down in Pennsylvania and it's really different living on the east coast.

And I just visited New York several weeks ago and was able to walk that and listen to stories about it. So it's, I have goosebumps just talking about it. But anyway, there were traffic, air traffic controllers during this time, A DHD. And they were able to throw on that cape really quick because [00:15:00] with A DHD, you can hyperfocus and they saved so many lives that day.

And that is my favorite story about A DHD. And you can go into bipolar and different things and it's really learning about how to get into that sweet spot of harnessing. What you're good at, and we all have that where we have things that feel like a trial, but they end up being a really amazing blessing.

And I'm sure cancer has been for you and it led to so many other things. So what else do you have with regards to life purpose? This should be about you.

I hadn't heard that story before. I think that's really fascinating and that is just so true.

What cancer showed me was really learning to love myself down to a cellular level and recognizing that, I am who I am for a reason and my gifts, you know, I have these gifts and how can I really step forth and use them?

But I think we all go through these phases, right, of like. [00:16:00] Acceptance and not comparing ourselves to other people. And it's like this whole process, there's a lot of healing, I suppose, that needs to be done before we even really have the capacity to figure out what our purpose is. I think there's a lot of things that need to happen before we can get a clear answer as to what our purpose really is.

Otherwise, it's almost skewed, or it's not gonna be quite right if it's clouded by our previous judgments of ourselves.

My biggest complaint about it, like the whiny like ugh little child complaint is that it is layers of healing. Like you've talked about before. They scab over and they peel back, and then you're like, but I thought I healed that.

Like, and then it has to keep to really get that deep layer. Especially think about it like if you've ever done it, like on your knee, you've had an owie or like on a knuckle, like something that bends a lot. So it starts to crack and then it needs to heal even deeper. And I feel like that's really what needs to happen as we're discovering our life [00:17:00] purpose.

I've had I was in a car accident a year ago now, and it wasn't even that bad of a car accident, but I still flare up and this is the time of year when it really flares up for me. So I need to take more time to rest and. I'm finding that I am feeling a lot more grounded because of it.

So it's that pros and cons. Can you talk to us about that part with cancer? Like what you found was good for you because I am, sensing that very much what happened with cancer was somatic for you. Like because so much was going on and you were holding it within your body and you were fighting against yourself.

It was something that you said led me to believe that.

I think I remember after my surgery, 'cause I had a toddler and a baby, I was still breastfeeding my baby.

Oh man.

Yeah. So I came out of the hospital and I had like five. Big slashes. I mean, they opened me up in five different places and they took out half of my kidney, and [00:18:00] so I think I was in the hospital for a week and then I couldn't really walk or I couldn't lift anything for two or three weeks.

Funny when they tell moms that is like, are you serious?

Yeah, I had a nine month old baby. How do you not lift something? She's not walking. So anyway, I had my mother-in-law come, my ex-husband now he's from Australia. So his mom flew all the way from Australia to the States and she stayed for three weeks.

And I remember saying, this is the first time. I can remember allowing myself to rest. I was a relatively new mom at the time. But you know, I was 36 and I had been going since forever. And I never remember a time where I just allowed myself to rest

I am taking naps during the day and I am not rushing frantically from one thing to the next. And I wasn't overwhelmed and I wasn't stressed out, was like taking time to nourish myself and to sleep and to think. And I had space in my head for the first time

and it was just this really wild experience. But it was the first time I gave myself permission [00:19:00] to rest, and it's like, how sad is that? Takes cancer to give yourself permission to rest. I mean, what is that all about, you know?

And you're saying, how sad is that with Jess? But I'm like, how normal is that?

How normal is that? That's exactly right. Yeah, it's like, how normal is that? And now it's just, you know, it's not even a thing.

I mean, now I guess it's been quite a few years now and my daughter, the one who I was breastfeeding at the time, she actually just turned 11 yesterday. But we were talking the other day and my life is so spacious.

That she thinks I'm a stay at home mom, like she actually thinks I'm a stay at home mom. And we hang out before school and we hang out after school and we're always doing things together. And I drop her off and I pick her up. And I do have this multimillion dollar company with a large team and a lot of clients, but my life is so spacious that she thinks I'm a stay at home mom.

Right. And I just thought that was so cool because it is not what she would've said about me 10 years ago.

Even though we talked about this being [00:20:00] normal, that doesn't mean it's healthy. Healthy does not be normal. Right. But how amazing that it helped you to fundamentally change

Your workaholic tendencies. Who else is raising their hand saying, I'm a workaholic and I have those tendencies. I'm raising mine. And it's, I've really started embracing that every fall.

I know this isn't coming out in the fall, but right now it's fall time and every fall I'm looking around and seeing those leaves starting to drop and it brings to mind what things do I need to let go of.

And. What do we need to let go of? And for me, it's definitely how much I wanna force myself to work, and it's giving more of that space. And because I'm giving myself that space, I'm connecting better with my husband, with myself, with my own spiritual journey, with God, with my children, and I am having a lot more fun.

Yeah. [00:21:00] And it's hard to remember that as adults, we need to have fun. Yes. And it actually is a need. Yes. We feel like we just need to hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle. And then it's gonna come to us. And then when we retire, we'll be good. But we're so used to hustling. That's when everything catches up with us.

And especially around this time, it's usually late thirties into maybe 50 is when whatever you did before, it's gonna catch up with you. And this is when you are spending your time undoing so many things. Right.

I also think so many people in our society anyway, maybe it's more America, I'm not sure, but we tend to push things off.

Like, oh, well I'll do that when I retire, or I'll have plenty of time when I retire, or I'll slow down when I retire. And it's like, wow. I know so many people that. Retired and then they got really sick and then they died. I know people that have retired and then they died within like months.

I've watched my family retire and their [00:22:00] health has declined within a year. I mean, it's like something happens, you know? I think sometimes if, I start doing the work before you retire, you know, one, you don't know what will happen when you do, but I also think that there's something to be said about that.

If someone is really attached, their career is like their full identity and they don't really have a purpose outside of that they retire, all of a sudden their identity is, they don't know themselves anymore and they feel like they have no purpose. I think a lot of people slip into depression and they go through this crisis of, well, if that's not me, then who am I?

Right. And so I always really encourage people to start doing the work now, start figuring out who you are now and what you love now, and start doing the things now. Take the trip, travel, and don't wait until you retire because like life is not guaranteed,

oh, you are bringing flashbacks to when I went from working full-time and I'd worked full-time since my senior year in high school.

So like all the way through? Yeah. Until 29 when I [00:23:00] had my oldest and all of a sudden I'm a stay at home mom. Yep. Wow. Hello? Depression. Yeah, same. That hit me hard too then, and identity and everything else. So I know so many women who've gone through that. And then when all their children are in school, which will be next year for me, I'm so excited.

Hey, and then when the children leave the house. Right. Or when they become teenagers and they don't wanna hang out with you. Right. We have all these different phases and I know more of them for women because women tend to speak our emotions. It's that whole, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. We communicate differently.

How many of you, as soon as you get home, you have to pee. It's like one of those things.

Yes. Because you've just held it in all day. Mm-hmm. And not even allowed yourself to go to the bathroom. Yes.

Idea with retirement though, right?

With your health because you're holding it in. Your body's like, okay, now I can, but guess what? There's so much more that I've been holding onto than you realize,

right?

Yeah,

[00:24:00] absolutely.

Y

eah, and for me, my biggest thing is my husband and I are planning for retirement, but in planning for retirement, we are not just planning financially for retirement.

We are making sure that we're planning socially because one of the biggest things, it's starting to creep up there as one of the leading causes of death is not having social connections. Yeah. And it affects every system. In your life not just your body, but like mentally everything.

And we are taking care of ourselves physically, emotionally, because there's someone that I was talking to who lost a family member, and another one is on the way out are you?

Doing okay emotionally and expect to need to pick up a therapist when this next family member dies because so many things that are unresolved will start coming to the forefront because now you no longer can resolve it with the other [00:25:00] person, right?

So it's thinking about all these things that we need to be taking care of before things start falling apart. And I feel like that's a very big part of life purpose that we don't. Realize, talk about, it's just not even on our horizon, but if we are really looking forward to living a full, long life, we need to be looking at these things all along the way.

Right? And it can be so hard when we are in a society that is do, do, do go, go, go. Instead of giving space.

You were talking about how you have in your life where your daughter actually thinks you're a stay at home mom, which is amazing and really funny.

Yeah, I know. I'm like, cute. That's so cute. But yay that you think that, I mean, that's the point.

That's why I've designed my life. How I have is so that you, you know, I'm there for you

and so many people go into business because they want that lifestyle. Right? But then they think they have [00:26:00] to grind for it.

Yeah.

So, I think for a certain amount of time you do until you have the resources to delegate.

I think the first year or two I did hire really quickly in my business. So, I've always made it a point to delegate the things that I don't know how to do and the things that I don't love to do. And I grew my team really quickly. And that had its own challenges and of course I learned from that and made mistakes and at one point fired my entire team and started over.

But now, it's like my team really does everything and what I am responsible for are the things that I love, going on podcasts and, creating my own and putting out content and teaching my clients and coaching my clients and all of the other things that I don't know how to do that are not my gifts, not my zone of genius, not things that I love doing.

That took up all of my time before are things that I've now delegated. So it's like you definitely have to do the thing until you have. The resources to hire it out. But I think the ultimate goal is definitely to make sure that yes, you're in [00:27:00] business. Yes, you're profiting. And it is giving you the free time that you want to have.

There's no point in having your business being handcuffed to it like it is a full-time job. I guess that could be better than having a real job, but at the end of the day, that's not the point of why most of us start our own business,

and if you can't handle that, then maybe work for somebody else.

Yeah. Where you can get all the benefits and everything else yeah.

So really find what works for you and what works for you isn't going to work for any somebody else. And going back to how we have our own individual medicine that we're bringing to the world.

I love the way that you're saying that because it's reminding us that we aren't supposed to be looking at what other people are doing the people who really succeed in life are the ones that break the mold because they're so in tune with themselves. That they know their path. They know how it's supposed to look and that they know how they're supposed to show up and what feels very authentic to [00:28:00] them.

And it's so easy to forget that, especially in the social media world that we live in.

Put the blinders on. I don't follow anyone really in my space just because I wanna make sure that I'm, what is coming through me is mine, and that I'm not, oh, I should be doing this, or, oh, I should be doing that.

Or, oh, this person's doing this and I should, I don't want any of that. So I literally just. Tune it all out. I mean, I follow people in like the health space and obviously what I'm personally interested in, but none of my competitors, I don't even know who my competitors are. I don't follow anyone in this space because I just wanna make sure that I am so clear to hear what's coming through me that I don't get drowned out by that.

And that makes so much sense, and that is a good reminder for those who aren't even wanting to have their own business, is make sure that the things that you have around you fill you up. So maybe look at how much are you on social media? How much are you paying attention to the news. 'cause the news, there is no way the news is giving you positive vibes, right?[00:29:00] 

Yeah, when you let go of those things, you can pay attention to your own bubble better and make sure it is clean, has the right vibration space, how, whatever words that you wanna use that really resonate for you. But when you do that, then you can have that ripple effect and really bring that goodness out in a bigger level, make that bubble bigger.

But when you are focused on things that don't align, they are negative to you. It slows you down.

Yeah, definitely we can choose. I think that was a big sort of revelation. For me, way back in the day was we can choose what we're allowing into our mind, right?

We can choose what we're allowing into our. Bodies, essentially what we listen to, what we watch, what we read. And I think that was a really big part of my healing journey from cancer was I was very intentional about it. And I did, I stopped watching the news and I started listening to things like I am affirmations and meditations and [00:30:00] everything that I was putting into my body.

Yes, from a food perspective and, but also from a consumption perspective, right. Books, podcasts, what I was looking at on social media, news, watching on tv, I made sure that it was like giving me life and not taking things away from me. So that was a really big part of my healing process also,

and I think it's even more important.

This might sound weird for people who don't have children, but when you are in a relationship where you have somebody who's taking your energy, be it children or somebody else, you need to make sure that you are consuming even stronger things that are like super aligned.

So it's the difference between having. That salad that is full of those vitamins and nutrients from vegetables. And if you're like me and you put a little fruit in there too, 'cause I love fruit. It's the difference between having that and having a candy bar. [00:31:00] With what you're consuming, really what it does for your body, and it's not just affecting you mentally, it's affecting you somatically, which means throughout your whole body and when you are doing things or being around people who are draining, that you need to make sure that you are consuming more of that.

So I love how you're talking about that.

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay.

So what else? And then tell us more about your book.

Yeah, so I think I relate so many things back to, knowing what your purpose is and putting it out into the world. And I think so many people really struggle with how do I figure out what that is for me?

How do I find my purpose or how do I know where to start? Right? And like you said before, it's always going to evolve. And the more that you. Get to know yourself, and the more of a journey that you take, the more you're gonna understand your purpose and it will continue to shift into change and to expand and to grow.

But I [00:32:00] felt like I, I think I had created, I don't remember when it was, it was when I very first started my business back in 20 16, 20 17, and through coaching thousands of people, I created this process that. Really works every time. And I, it became a group coaching program and then it became an online course, and I just really wanted it to be accessible to everybody.

So I wrote the book, awaken Your Purpose, and it takes you through that exact process. So by the end of the book, you will have so much more insight into who you are. You'll be a hundred percent clear on your purpose and also how you want to express it into the world, right? So we talked about at the very beginning of this podcast, how you can express it in different ways, and so it helps you get really clear on what's that going to be for you?

Is it going to be through a career? Do you need to do a career change? Is it through starting a business? Is it through volunteer work or how you're spending your time? And I take you through the first half of the book around that healing journey. So looking at what needs to be healed, what needs to be [00:33:00] released from your life, where are you living life on purpose, and where are you not?

And then the second half of the book is more around like kind of career coaching almost in a sense. So it takes you through that process of getting clear of on how you want to express it out into the world. And you research and you come up with options and then we narrow it down and we score all the options and then you have like one clear winner at the end.

That makes sense that it is first, let's heal you because you don't wanna take any negative relationship you have or negative whatever. At least half of it is you, maybe not half, but some percentage of it is you and your own negativity. So let's heal that before we bring that into whatever space you're now called to be in.

So I really love that half the book is about that. That's what I was really thinking about and how as I've healed myself more, I've become a better coach and can better show up for those that I'm coaching. Yeah. And how much of it is. [00:34:00] Really still about me and more about me than I ever expected it to be.

'cause I'm showing up to help other people. So why is it about me? Right? But if I'm not taking care of myself, it shows up in the coaching sessions, right? So why wouldn't it be that way for anybody else who's doing a career change or changing anything else in their life that they need to make sure that they are evolving to their best possible self whatever needs to be healed to them.

Really dive into, okay, now I've done this work, so now I can really. Tune into my intuition and know where I need to go next.

And also if we don't do the work beforehand, right? So like if we're trying to figure out what our next move is going to be, but we're doing it from a place of, negativity and limiting beliefs and the exhaustion and the burnout, and we're drinking the wine, or we're eating the Ben and Jerry's and we're doing all the things to numb things out.

We're gonna have a very different outcome [00:35:00] than if we come at it with a clear head, right? It's almost like you're gonna raise your vibration, and from this more open and healed and raw and vulnerable place, you're going to see more and have different ideas and different thoughts, and a different self image, and a different idea of what's possible.

So you're gonna go so much further, and it's gonna be more real and authentic over here than it would be down here if you just. Came to it today with where you are right now.

And sometimes it's so frustrating 'cause it's like, I see where I need to go. Can I just, yeah. You know, pick up that car and move there.

Just like when you're playing with Hot Wheels. Be nice, but it doesn't work that way. Because you're still bringing all of your baggage with you. Let's drop it here. But it can be so frustrating because. I don't know if you're, any of you listening are like me, where you're enough of a doer and a planner and that it's just like, I just, I see it.

I just wanna get there. How do I get there? How do I get [00:36:00] there faster? And it's so frustrating to have the answer when you really are diving into yourself of slow down. Yeah, I don't wanna speed up. I don't wanna slow down.

Once you slow down, you realize that slowing down is the answer to speeding up.

I used to be a workaholic I treated my business like a full-time job at the beginning. And now it's like, I just can't even imagine doing that. And I get so much further. It's like force negates growth I think, in so many ways, you know? And the more that I pull back almost, the more that it really grows and it's just so much more fun and enjoyable too.

Okay, so here's a really personal question.

Yeah, go for it. What does your

self care look like? Like your wellness, self-care, because self-care is such a word that is lost meaning in so many ways.

For sure. Just give us

kind of that sneak peek behind what you do.

Yeah. Well, I'm a single mom, so I don't have, you know, I do have a lot of responsibilities and my kids come first, mine [00:37:00] are now 11 and 14, i, they go to school and they come home and all I do is drive them to. Theater and to soccer and to, all the things that they're doing. And so for me, I fitted in during the day, like my last call. I mean, I really watch, I really nourish myself with healthy foods. I guess first of all, everything that I put in my body, like 80% I'd say is like medicinal and healthy and nourishing.

Fueling and there's that 20% where I just kind of allow myself to do whatever. But yeah, like if I have a pretty full day of interviews or whatever, my last meeting, I took a walk out in the sunshine for an hour and did that. You know, I always make sure that I'm moving my body in some way. I'm getting my steps in.

I have a standup desk also. I make it a point to get up into the mountains as often as I can. That's definitely where I nourish myself. I have horses and so I spend a lot of time around them. But I don't have a lot of free time, so it's finding the moments where I can sneak that in, if that makes sense.

[00:38:00] My kids wake up at five 30 or 5 45, and it's all about them. I don't have a morning routine that I do for myself. So for me it's like, where can I fit things in throughout the day? And there's a lot of resting as well. There's a lot of saying no to things.

I think that's another really big part of my self-care, is just saying no to things I genuinely don't wanna do. And yes, to things that I really do. And I think that's also been a really big life changer for me too.

That's hard to do, especially if you're any type of empath, which yes, you have to be with the work you're doing.

Yes. So, and I don't think that's a gender thing as much as it's an empath thing.

I lost a lot of friends when I started really respecting myself. People got really upset. They felt like I was bailing or I was always saying no, and it's like, that's fine. I would rather have less friends and friends that are aligned.

It's about alignment, right. That understand the stage of life that I'm in and what's important to me. And yeah, it's really looking at everything from alignment, [00:39:00] what is nourishing me and fueling me and lighting me up versus what is really draining me. And it's learning to say no to the things that drain and yes to the things that light you up regardless of what that means,

yeah. It's kind of, you need the friends who's gonna tell you no when you're like, I'm gonna kill that person. And you need the kind of friends who's like, okay, let me help you. Bury the body. Yes, exactly. But you need those ones who aren't going to just be your echo chamber.

Right. But once

you are going to lift you up, and sometimes it's lifting you up by telling you off.

It's like the deep, meaningful soul. Friends are really important and they're gonna understand where you're at. And if you say no because you're busy or you're tired, they're gonna be like amazing.

Like go do you.

I think for me it was more around, I used to have this idea that I needed to have a lot of friends, right? Like maybe it was this popularity thing or whatever. Like I needed to have a lot of friends, a lot of acquaintances. I needed to. Always be at all the places and the place to be and whatever.

And that is what I let go of was that those [00:40:00] kinds of friends, you know, I think when I got divorced and I also got sober all of those people fell out of the way. 'cause it was like, well I'm not showing up to happy hour anymore and I don't care about going to watch this football game with 12 people who are drinking all afternoon.

Like, that is not my life anymore. So. There was a lot of change in that regard when I really started being true to myself.

Wow. The more you're talking, the bigger of a shift. I'm seeing that happened for you.

Yeah. It was. It was a real big one.

I'm sure you don't even recognize yourself anymore when you look back.

I don't recognize myself at all and honestly people are like shocked when they see me now versus before cancer. It was like I look younger and healthier now than I did 12 years ago, which is just really wild. The glow, yeah. And it's because I'm fueling myself mind, body, soul, and spirit with things that feel really good and aligned.

And that makes the biggest [00:41:00] difference. Absolutely. The biggest

Instead of trying to keep up with the Joneses, and doing all the things for everybody else, or because I feel like I should be doing them based on societal expectations. I just don't care about that Stephanie anymore.

And the funny thing is, is they're also trying to keep up with the Joneses. So who are the Joneses actually in, in the story when everyone's trying to keep up with each other? And we're not really taking the time because the friends that really matter. Are gonna understand and they're gonna search for your intention.

Yes. And not the BS that's coming out of your mouth. That's not even the right thing. And not actually what you mean. Because there's so many times where I will say, I'll take my husband, for example, 'cause he's my favorite person. I tell him he's my favorite creature and he's like, I'm like, well, creature animal too.

He's like, okay, I'll take it. Yeah. That's cute. Yeah. But I'll tell him like, okay, the words. What I'm saying isn't right, but you understand my intention, right? And he's like, I understand your intention. I'm like, okay, good. Can you repeat it back to me to make sure? And it's always so much, it's [00:42:00] elegant compared to what I said.

That's awesome. It's always good to have someone like that. It doesn't need to be your spouse. I'm lucky enough. Well, it's not even luck. We work really hard at it to make sure that it's this. Yeah. You need people like that in your corner. And thankfully I have other friends that are like that as well and it's makes the biggest difference.

And they are the ones who remind me like, you need to slow down, like hold up like you need to slow down. 'Cause there's so many times where I'm like, blah. No, no, no. Slow down. And yeah, that will be the biggest thing that I take from this conversation is reminding myself to slow down.

So yeah, slow down and then tell us the three again from the beginning and then tell us where to find your book and where to find you.

The golden ticket or whatever. So figuring out what you really love to do, what you're naturally good at, and how can you combine those two things to then create value.

In the world is the golden ticket [00:43:00] too. And that's how I define purpose the ironic thing about that is that's really how to start tapping into your purpose. And also when I was doing career coaching, that's like the perfect combination for the ideal career also, is those three things.

My book Awaken Your Purpose by Erika Kerra. It's all the places, so it's on the Amazon iBooks, Kindle Audible. It's you everywhere. Just Google search, Erica Raco, and it all pops up.

Y

ou know what I just thought of is, what do they call those people who start up in business and then they just keep starting up new businesses.

So for people yeah, they call it something funny.

Funny. Anyway,

Somebody else yell it loud enough so we can hear you that are listening to my God. But those type of people think about what their purpose is and how that applies to for a second.

So just I'll explain it to you and see if you are shaking your head yes at the end of this, but. Serial entrepreneurs, I think is what they're called. Yeah, that's, yep. Serial entrepreneurs. Yeah. But anyway, [00:44:00] for people like that, their life purpose might keep realigning.

Yeah. So it's that reminder that we have that in our lives as well, and they are asking themselves these questions and when it no longer lines, that's when they let it go. So think about that and think about what things in your life are at that point where it's time to let it go.

Maybe you have a different passion within your business and it's time to hire out for those things. So that was made me think about it, how you've done that, and I've done that. So important to remember those things. And we can do them, even if we're not a business owner, we can do them within the company that we work for.

Maybe it's talking to management saying, okay, these don't align for me, but I'm very passionate about this. And when you bring forth those things to upper management, it's that reminder of, I'll make you more money in this aspect because I am aligned with this. Right.

And you can even do that within your home life.

What things do you need to re delegate or hire out [00:45:00] for? Do you hate cutting the lawn? Maybe that's your indication that you should hire that out hundred percent.

I didn't even know that was a thing. Like I hire everything out. I have landscapers, I have someone who picks up the dog poop.

I have someone who shovels the snow. I have a house assistant who does all the laundry, the sheets, the towels, the grocery shopping, the food prep, like you can hire all of it out. And what that does is it frees me up. To do the things that I'm good at inside of my business and to be able to drive my kids all the places that I do and be able to spend the time and have them think that I'm a stay at home mom because I'm spending time with them because I delegate all of the other stuff that just, honestly exhausted me before.

And there's even the other aspect, which I never considered this, but some people are better moms when they actually spend less time with their kids, That is true. I'm like, that's a thing. Yep. It is a thing. But for me it is kind of when my, my second oldest yesterday was saying that she wants.

Or was it [00:46:00] this morning even? She wants to be homeschooled. I'm like, yeah, no, that's not happening. I could not do that. Yeah. With her personality, I could. She's a mini me, so like I would get her down to a science, but it's the other one, one other personality where yeah, you need to be at school. Yeah. But for me, and COVID taught me this, that I am a better parent when they are in school.

Yeah, same. My mental health is depleted at the end of summer. Oh minus two,

100%. I think that's fairly normal. I would say most moms are that way. It's like you kind of do this big push when they're little and they're babies and then yeah, once they're in school, like I think, yeah, I think most people are better that way.

Freedom I can do. Yeah. I can be more aligned. Yes. But there's also a reminder, and that can be with your spouse or with friends too, right? Or even with yourself. Yeah. Is making sure that you are spending time. And it is quality [00:47:00] time. Yeah. Not quantity. Quality. And that goes along with the life purpose.

My last thing that, I wanted to you, is Sure. Where can we find you? So we found nowhere to find your book. Where can we find you?

Yeah, I'm all over. Instagram is where I spend the most time, so it's just Erica Lynn Caraco. But everything's on my website, which is just erica caraco.com and we're on YouTube, LinkedIn, TikTok, Facebook.

Thank you

Thank you. So good.

And I hope that you guys take some time if it's not right now, take some time tonight in the near future and journal out some of the things that came to you that we didn't even talk about.

That was your inspiration talking to you. Journal that out because this matters, and then go get her book and dive in further.

Yeah. Amazing. Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope that you found the answers that you needed, and [00:48:00] you had some amazing aha moments. Please share this episode with others because it helps us align ourselves and then better align the world so that we can seek the healing that we really are looking for as part of the legal language.

I am a certified life coach with a Bachelor's in Applied Health. That is what I am leaning on for this. This is general advice. Take it as such. See you in the next episode.